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Madge, the vinter January 17, 2006









Like Star Jones, Madonna has cornered the market on several media outlets. Her latest venture will be peddling wine. It will have the mellow undertone of sweaty lycra with a pulsating aftertaste of hair- dye and Kabalah string.




The hot pink bottles will include Madge’s face on the label, with her gap-toothed smile and a British flag waving in the background. Music today, wine tomorrow. I hope she doesn”t crush the grapes with her own feet, that would be sick. Madonna is the new Andrew Firestone!




Fear not Kate Moss and other drug and or alcohol addicts, Madge has taken into consideration those friends who don’t indulge in the adult beverage arena and is producing a non-alcoholic wine as well. Thanks Madonna, for thinking of the little people.




Meawhile, daughter Lourdes wanted to try out for a role in the next Harry Potter film. She printed out the information and went to her mother filled with excitement mixed with fear. Much like Oliver Twist, she bowed before her mum and asked, “Please ma’am, may I try out for the movie?” only to have Madonna snatch away the paper and shake it in Lourdes’s face.




“There’s only one star in this family and that”s ME!” she growled. Gah, she”s like Joan Crawford without the scary eyebrows and wire hanger. But with Lotsa de Casha.

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