http://www.poptard.com Celebrity Gossip Wed, 23 Jul 2008 21:31:03 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 en If “The Hills” is the equivalent of television diarrhea, then Audrina Patridge is the shart that stains your metaphorical television pants. Here she is being totally useless at the DKNY Jeans Malibu Beach House, but you’ll note that she’s in a bikini in these pictures. It’s not ... http://www.poptard.com/ss-audrina-patridge-bikini-pictures-20648 Kourtney Kardashian seems to prefer boxers over briefs. (The Blemish) Meet the voice of Pikachu! (Robotzilla) Amy Winehouse gets waxed. (Holy Moly) Sherri Shepard’s snatch has seen more vacuum action than a Hoover. (Jezebel) And yes, “in the butt” counts. (Pajiba) Eva Mendes in ... http://www.poptard.com/quickies-suck-me-dry-20643 17 year-old Nick Hogan is about to get a little birthday present from the California penal system on Sunday. Penal. How apropos! According to TMZ Bollea, who has been housed with juveniles, will be moved to an adult facility on Sunday, his 18th birthday. It’s ... http://www.poptard.com/happy-birthday-nick-hogan-20644 Sarah Jessica Parker might have metaphorically been put out to pasture by her cheating cad of a husband! According to Star Magazine While the beloved actress was frantically searching for hubby Matthew Broderick one night earlier this year, he was having sex in the city with a gorgeous ... http://www.poptard.com/matthew-broderick-cheated-on-sarah-jessica-20635 Levi McConaughey makes his debut appearance on the cover of this week’s OK! Magazine, along with Daddy Matthew and Mommy Camila. Matthew was in the room with Camila during the delivery, and was more than happy to divulge all the birthing details: “We found a great rhythm. ... http://www.poptard.com/meet-levi-mcconaughey-20627 It’s not looking good for Christian Bale. Everyone was hoping that the Batman actor might have been arrested yesterday for verbally assaulting his mother and sister — what with England’s silly Class 4 and 5 “verbal assault with an intent to cause alarm” clauses — but no dice. ... http://www.poptard.com/more-details-in-christian-bale%e2%80%99s-assault-arrest-20628 You gave them the gift of life. Instilled their sense of adventure, fostered their imagination, comforted them when they were afraid. And you still give your children the very best. Which is why you take this opportunity to give them the gift of a life-long nicotine ... http://www.poptard.com/ss-britney-shares-a-cigarette-with-her-son-20605 Proof that even an octopus is smarter than Paris Hilton. (Robotzilla) Another reason not to pass out at a frat party: your buddies will set your balls on fire. True fuckin’ story. (MollyGood) The only way Robin Williams could look any gayer is if there ... http://www.poptard.com/quickies-great-balls-of-fire-20603 The Global War on Terror just got a little douchier — The Hills’ Heidi Montag and her boyfriend Spencer Pratt are heading overseas to visit the troops, inspired by Heidi’s late stepbrother’s service in the Middle East. According to People magazine “My brother was an airborne ranger ... http://www.poptard.com/heidi-and-spencer-to-visit-the-troops-20604 Here’s singer/musician James Blunt frolicking near his home in Ibiza with two hot chicks playing “Where’s the Nipple?” and “Doggy Style, but with Vaginas!“1 In case you didn’t know, Blunt was also a Captain in the British Army — the first armored reconnaissance officer to enter the Kosovar ... http://www.poptard.com/james-blunt-is-better-than-you-20597 Batman actor Christian Bale had assault charges filed against him yesterday while in London for the British premiere of The Dark Knight. But here’s the shocker: the charges were filed by his own mother and sister. According to The Sun He is alleged to have lashed out ... http://www.poptard.com/christian-bale-slaps-his-own-mother-20598 Hold on to your breakfast, boys and girls — there’s a Madonna and Alex Rodriguez sex tape out there, just waiting to be unleashed on the unsuspecting public by the highest bidder. According to the Daily Star [The man responsible for the video] is demanding a fortune ... http://www.poptard.com/madonna-and-alex-rodriguez-sex-tape-20592 The last time I had a garden hose raining water down on my supple breasts like Rosario Dawson here, it was a Tuesday, and I was passed out in the front yard while my mom used it to hose all the vomit off of me. I suppose this ... http://www.poptard.com/s-s-rosario-dawson-gets-hosed-down-20576 Sorry, whores — Lindsay Lohan’s knee padded leggings are all sold out. (Websters) Brooke Hogan says that women can’t be president because they have periods. Too bad Chris Benoit wasn’t her dad. (Jezebel) Diane Kruger looking like Tom Sawyer’s slutty cousin. (Use My Computer) Benji ... http://www.poptard.com/quickies-monthly-cycle-20569 In case Balthazar Getty’s wife and mother of his four children hadn’t seen those photos of her husband and Sienna Miller cavorting topless in a Italian villa boudoir last week, Sienna pranced around for a public titty-mauling in full view of God and the paparazzi on Friday. So ... http://www.poptard.com/sienna-stabs-balthazar%e2%80%99s-wife-in-the-heart%e2%80%a6-metaphorically-speaking-20570 Jessica Simpson’s debut country performance opening for Sara Evans at Country Thunder Saturday night wasn’t exactly a success. The Kenosha News Online says The crowd welcomed Simpson with boos [as] she strutted onto the stage in Daisy Duke shorts and cowboy boots [singing] a cover of “These Boots ... http://www.poptard.com/jessica-simpson-sex-tape-20553 Drew Barrymore’s out-of-control boozing is to blame for her recent split from Justin “I’m a Mac” Long. The Enquirer says Barrymore and Long had planned to wed – until booze resumed its hold on the former child star. “Justin got tired of having to help Drew to ... http://www.poptard.com/drew-barrymore%e2%80%99s-drinking-to-blame-for-split-20554 With the success of recent movie sequels like Indiana Jones and Rocky, Hollywood execs have decided to shit all over one of the most iconic movies of the 1980’s — Top Gun. According to The Sun Movie bosses want to bring back cocky fighter-pilot trainee Maverick ... http://www.poptard.com/top-gun-sequel-in-the-works-20555 Brooke Shields was in New York yesterday, by all accounts doing her best Martha Washington in a pair of short shorts. All she’s missing is a man with syphilis and wooden teeth and the Founding Father fantasy is complete! Related Stories S.S. Angela Chase ... http://www.poptard.com/ss-brooke-shields-in-new-york-20528 Another warrant issued for Pete Doherty’s arrest! (Holy Moly!) Salma Hayek calls off her engagement! (Dlisted) Zac Efron would like to personally invite you to the gun show. (CelebSlam) Mischa Barton does her best Al Bundy impression. (Websters) Meet Avril Lavigne’s ugly little bastard, Abbey ... http://www.poptard.com/quickies-stitch-in-time-20529 Fans of supermodel Marisa Miller cross the occasional social boundary when it comes making requests of Maxim’s “Sexiest Woman Alive.” Marisa told the NY Daily News at the launch party for her Vans sneakers line “My management is good about throwing away the really scary fan mail, ... http://www.poptard.com/marisa-miller%e2%80%99s-fans-are-trichophiliacs-20521 Denise Richards was in court yesterday morning to request an emergency order restricting ex-husband Charlie Sheen’s access to their two daughters, citing a psychologically damaging “issue” in his home. According to TMZ They told the judge there’s a serious issue in Charlie’s home that could have an ... http://www.poptard.com/something%e2%80%99s-%e2%80%9cwrong%e2%80%9d-in-charlie-sheen%e2%80%99s-house-20522 Since she started dating 30 year-old John Mayer, 39 year-old Jennifer Aniston has dropped nearly twenty grand a month on maintaining a youthful visage. The Enquirer says “Her monthly regimen includes private instruction with a top yoga guru and personal training sessions. Jen pays a private ... http://www.poptard.com/john-mayer-cheats-on-jennifer-aniston-20523 In a totally unexpected turn of events, Britney Spears has given up all attempts to regain custody of her children from ex-husband Kevin Federline. Popozao! Kevin’s attorney told OK! Magazine “A final settlement in the Kevin Federline-Britney Spears custody case was signed. All parties have ... http://www.poptard.com/britney-gives-up-custody-20518 Claire Danes hasn’t been relevant since MTV stopped showing reruns “My So-Called Life” back in ‘97, but here she is in a bikini, so say hello to today’s summer supererogative. Of course, I could have just put a telephone pole in a bikini and taken pictures of that, ... http://www.poptard.com/ss-angela-chase-claire-danes-bikini-pictures-20495 Don’t let’s forget that Christian Bale is still the reason for the season. Plus, he’s not dead. Definitely some points there. (Websters) Sarah Jessica gets the witch’s mark on her chin zapped. (Ninja Dude) Katie Holmes with a Dorothy Zbornak hairdo. (Ayyy!) Heidi ... http://www.poptard.com/quickies-home-run-20488 Actress Eva Longoria is still denying that she’s pregnant, claiming her recent weight gain is just for her role on Desperate Housewives. *cough cough* LIAR! *cough* Her rep released the following statement to OK! Magazine: “For the upcoming season [Eva"s character] Gabrielle has “gained” weight and ... http://www.poptard.com/eva-longoria-got-fat-on-purpose-20489 Josh Brolin and Jeffrey Wright were arrested this past weekend in Louisiana after a wrap party for Oliver Stone’s movie “W” turned into a bar fight. But the fun didn’t stop there — oh, no. The actors were also pepper sprayed and tased by a bunch of racist ... http://www.poptard.com/josh-brolin-and-jeffery-wright-got-tasered-20482 Now that Victoria’s Secret model Miranda Kerr’s fling with Orlando Bloom is over, she’s sought refuge in the oily arms of douchebag Brandon Davis. According to In Touch Weekly On July 12, Brandon and Miranda were spotted “full on making out” at 1Oak [and] kissing at ... http://www.poptard.com/miranda-kerr-is-dating-brandon-davis-20483 It’s hard to remember a time when I felt as much rage as I did after watching the video for Hayden Panettiere’s new music video. That time I broke my pinky toe in the shower? The “Old Gringo incident” at the company picnic? My wedding night? ... http://www.poptard.com/hayden-panettiere%e2%80%99s-shitty-music-video-20484