Quickies: Bust a Move March 31, 2008
Brendan Fraser is officially terrifying. (MollyGood)
Janet Jackson’s belt really detracts from her balls. (Websters)
Ashton Kutcher is going to pay dearly for that wayward ass-gloss-over. (pretty boring)
A flatulent rip in the space-time continuum — and if you smelt it, you dealt it. (Pajiba)
Jenna Jameson and Aubrey O’Day — see if you can pick out which is a fifteen year veteran of the porn industry and which is a post-op tranny with a coke problem! (Hollywood Rag)
Something scary is growing on Paris Hilton’s foot. (The Blemish)
Pamela Anderson practically spread eagles it in a sweater dress a basketball game. (The Grumpiest)
Lindsay Lohan continues her foray into “unspeakably shitty movie-dom.” (CelebNewsWire)
The good, the bad and the ugly at Nickelodeon’s Kids’ Choice Awards. (Jezebel)
Paris Hilton wipes out and busts open her chin. Not the first time her chin’s been busted on, if you know what I mean! (Rad Report)
Why is Kate Bosworth hiding her vagina? No, wait — let her explain it to you. (Seriously? OMG)
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Kathie Lee Komeback on the Today Show
That void in your morning between the hours of ten and eleven is about to be filled with a little something I like to call “Kathie Lee Kreamy Goodness.” Symptoms include diarrhea and an uncontrollable urge to bludgeon your television set with your bare fists. People Magazine says
The former Live! co-host will become a Today regular next Monday, April 7 — in the NBC powerhouse morning show’s 10 a.m. fourth hour. She will share the camera alongside Hoda Kotb.
One whole extra hour of strained cheerfulness and regular Cody updates! I’m guessing the “Sixty Minutes of Syphilitic Ulcer Draining” and “Power Hour with Pauly Shore” will just have to wait ’till 2009.
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
WTF Happened to Lara Flynn Boyle’s Face?
Here’s Lara Flynn Boyle leaving Mr. Chow Saturday night, and here’s Kathy Bates getting ready to take a sledgehammer to Santino Corleone’s ankles in the movie “Misery.” Bizarre parallel universe on a twenty-year time delay? Perhaps. Plastic surgery gone horribly wrong? More like it.
Paging Dr. Serrano:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Slut Watch: George Clooney’s Girlfriend
Recognize the chick on all fours tonguing the magazine laying on the ground? I didn’t think you would. The above photo is one of many less-than-demure shots of George Clooney’s girlfriend Sarah Larson, a “model” from Vegas, taken a month after they were first introduced. Star Magazine says
“She’s been described as having a successful runway and print modeling career. But until recently, her “modeling career” consisted mostly of being paid by promoters… to attend special events in sexy outfits and party with her wild girlfriends! Sarah… loves to drink. She likes to get wasted when she goes out.”
And therein lies the rub, ladies. Despite a man’s willingness to drop $29.95 and two hours on a Saturday watching footage of young coeds exposing their breasts and soaping each other up in front of an audience of intoxicated post-pubescent males, the response is decidedly less positive when said footage includes you. Especially if he is unaware said footage existed beforehand. Doubly especially if said footage may or may not have been filmed while he was holed up in your honeymoon suite with a case of the shits while you “went for a nature tour to Chichen Itza.” Trust me, “I was in college” and “Me no hablo ingles” will only work so many times before they start demanding paternity tests again.
More NSFW pictures here.
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
I’ll Have What She’s Having
Australian actress Sophie Monk helped herself to a big ol’ slice of Paris Hilton leftover pie by swapping her ex-boyfriend for Paris’. Sound confusing and riddled with genital blisters? Grab a spoon and dig in! Star Pulse says
[Sophie] split from rocker fiance Benji Madden at the beginning of 2008 and now she has been spotted out and about with his new girlfriend Paris Hilton’s ex, Alex Vaggo. Vaggo, a former pizza delivery boy, dated Hilton last year.
So, in short, each is banging the other’s ex. Marvelous. Well, you can’t undo the skank of Paris Hilton once you’ve been branded with it. Like a Aryan Nation tattoo or the term “registered sex offender,” it will serve to haunt you the rest of your days. Not to mention make volunteering as Den Mother next to impossible.
Sophie necking with Kristin Cavallari outside the gym last week:
Paris on Germany’s small screen gem “Wetten, dass?” this weekend:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Quickies: All Work and No Play March 28, 2008
Fergie crack-attack! (Use My Computer)
Another reason to hate Maxim? The Hills‘ “Over the Hills.” (Jossip)
Steve-O snorts blow off some slut’s leg. (MollyGood)
John Mayer blogs from the fart heart. Still smells like shit, though. (Websters)
Jack Nicholson has some massive man boobs. (Seriously? OMG)
The Hulk is banging his own daughter! Or someone that looks like her less-transgendered twin! (CelebSlam)
Taylor Dane is one of “the little people” now. (Ayyyy!)
Penelope Cruz lounging in her bikini, because it’s Friday! (Bastardly)
Eric “Stumpy Joe” Childs of Poison charged with rape! (Celebitchy)
And as punishment, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen in their bikinis. (Egotastic)
Rest in peace, Drew Barrymore’s boobs. (Bumpshack)
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Eliot Spitzer
You already met former New York governor Eliot Spitzer’s first hooker, Ashely Alexandra Dupre — now meet the other super-classy broad he was porking in his off time. The NY Post says
At the center of the [second prostitution ring] is Kristin “Billie” Davis, a busty bottle blonde who hails from a rough-and-tumble California trailer park. She has a reputation for hard-partying, shameless self-promotion and a rumored 10,000-name-long client list.
Like I told you — claaa-see. But as that old adage goes: “Money can’t buy you love.” It can, however, buy you hormone replacement therapy. Someone at Wicked Models might want to look into that!
Sure-fire she-male:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Britney Gets Her Colon Cleansed
Britney Spears is bound and determined to get rid of all the crap in her life. Literally. The Mirror reports
The 26-year-old wants to look good on the inside too and is having regular colon cleansing sessions at a clinic in Beverly Hills. Our source at the clinic said: “Cleansing a few times a week gets rid of lingering stuff in the colon. Britney’s had the treatment before and says it makes her feel great.”
Nothing like the thought of a team of professionals Selma-Alabamaing Britney’s pooper to make you wish you hadn’t gotten up this morning. It makes those two bottles of Early Times and the face first trip down the stairs last night seem like nothing but a wonderful dream.
More of Brit heading to the dentist:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Pete Doherty Dabbles in Scientology
Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty might be Scientology’s latest victim — a “lover” has reportedly introduced him to the lunatic cult. Probably after a night of sharing spiced meats and making love to a frenzy of native drums beneath the beckoning cries of the great eagle spirit. According to London’s The Sun
Pete, 29 has bought a pile of books on the subject since meeting Scientologist DJ Nadine Ruddy. And he has been leaving his Wiltshire mansion to stay at her home in Reading at least once a week. A source said: “Nadine is really into Scientology. She takes her beliefs very seriously. Pete’s chatted a lot with her about it. He went out and bought some books to read up about it.”
You don’t need to read a pile of books to understand Scientology. Everything you ever need to know about the religion can be summed up in just one book: “Battlefield Earth.” L. Ron Hubbard’s magnum opus is like breathing life into the pencil sketches of alien beasts and scantily-clad otherworld females drawn on the inside of a seventh grade boy’s Trapper Keeper while he’s sitting out of gym class because of his asthma condition. It’s guaranteed vagina-repellent. I heard there was this one guy who read it and then woke up a virgin in his mother’s basement. True fuckin’ story. He spent most of his life building World of Warcraft characters to sell on eBay and later died of severely infected purple nerples.
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Paris Hilton Can’t Dance
Although this may shock and surprise you, it turns out they have television in Turkey! Indoor plumbing and a handle on the bird flu not so much, but television, yes. Here’s the proof: a video of Paris Hilton at at Miss Turkey 2008 contest on channel Kanal 1! Hoş geldiniz! The Daily Mail says
The Simple Life star appeared as a guest on [the televised Miss Turkey 2008] beauty contest while in the capital Istanbul. She performed with belly dancer Asena during the show. She had all eyes on her for the performance and upstaged the real belly dancer with her stunning, leg-baring outfit.
I don’t know what type of Turkish hashish the folks at the Daily Mail were smoking, but Paris didn’t upstage anybody. She was obviously uncomfortable up there without a pole and a bunch of drunk guys waving singles. Good thing she had Le Tigre and Blue Steel to fall back on. Paris Hilton — she’s so hot right now!
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Quickies: A Crown For An Empress March 27, 2008
Didn’t think Jared Leto could get any douchier? Try him with an extra sixty pounds and in a wheelchair. (Hollywood Rag)
Brad Pitt is morphing into Robert Redford. (CityRag)
Kimora Lee Simmons gives Russell Simmons the ol’ “you’re not divorcing me, I’m divorcing you” bit. (Websters)
How long ’till Ashton Kutcher’s cameos ruin a good thing? (Pajiba)
Pamela Anderson’s twitchy-eyed coked-up Late Late Show interview. (Celebrity Smack)
Whoopi Goldberg talks panties. Sticky panties. Her sticky panties. Just pull the trigger now. (Best Week Ever)
In case you forgot, Keeley Hazell has boobies. Way more boobies than she needs, the selfish bitch. (popoholic)
Ashely and Mary-Kate Olsen fighting over money, or last dibs on the syrup of ipecac? (popbytes)
Britney Spears might be cast as Blanche DuBois in a revival of “A Street Car Named Desire!” I’m hoping it’s the version where they hit Blanche with an actuall street car. (Hollywood Headache)
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Britney Spears Allowed to Drive Again
Britney Spears hasn’t been photographed driving aimlessly between L.A. gas stations in the weeks since dad Jamie took over her estate — instead, she’s cleaned up her act, making regular visits with her sons, showing up for work and wearing underpants again. There are even rumors that she may make a surprise appearance at the Kids’ Choice Awards on Friday. With all this good behavior under her elastic waist band, Daddy has finally eased up a little on his strict no-driving policy and let her back behind the wheel. A source tells OK! Magazine
“Britney is addicted to driving,” an insider tells OK!. “Initially, her father wouldn’t let her drive at all, but he knows how much she loves it and it calms her, so he’s softened the restriction. He now lets her toodle around the block in her gated community.”
When asked for comment, Britney said “I’m an excellent driver. Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway every Saturday. Dad lets me drive slow on the driveway. But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday. Uh oh, fifteen minutes to Judge Wapner.”
Leaving the dentist yesterday:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Ali Lohan Undergoes Plastic Surgery
Lindsay Lohan’s kid sister Ali really wants to be like her big sis. Although she’s only fourteen years old, Ali’s already gone under the knife, possibly on more than one occasion. Compare the above picture of her at the age of twelve and the picture of her taken two weeks ago. Sure, she’s still developing, but the way I remember it, hormones don’t make your lips bigger and your nose smaller. Nine MSN reports
Ali has made some big changes to her looks in an attempt to rival her older sister’s — her lips plumped with collagen, her freckles bleached away, and… contact lenses which change her brown eyes blue. There’s also been ongoing speculation that the teenager had a nose job last year.
If she wants to emulate Lindsay so badly, there are a lot less painful ways to do it. Replacing her toothbrush with a penis, for example. Switching from decaf to penis. Getting eight hours of penis a night. Instead of lip injections and a nose job, all Ali really needs is Fleet Week in New York and carton of Rough Riders.
One more before and after after the jump
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Mariah Carey Gets Shopped
There’s something different about Mariah Carey on the cover of her latest album E=MC2. I can’t quite put my finger on it. Maybe it’s extra four inches of leg or the missing ten inches of waist. Maybe it’s the color of her skin and the circumference of her thighs. Maybe it’s that the girl on the left should be filed with “moon landing,” “Tooth Fairy” and “Imagination Station” and the girl on the right belongs under the heading “semi-aquatic sea mammals” and “pork products.” Unless the mass–energy equivalence is somehow part of the photoshop process, it’s safe to assume E=MC2 stands for Everything Mariah Computer-altered. Twice.
The real Mariah:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Richard Sambora DUI With 10 Year Old Daughter In Car
Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora was arrested late Tuesday for driving under the influence. But wait — it gets better! His fifth grade daughter in the car at the time of the arrest. TMZ says
Cops say they observed him driving erratically in a black Hummer and pulled him over. He failed numerous field sobriety tests and was detained for DUI. Richie Sambora’s 10-year-old daughter, Ava, was in the car with him when he was busted for DUI Tuesday night. [Another unnamed juvenile and adult were also in the car at the time of the arrest.]
This guy’s really been on the fast track to success since his split from Heather Locklear! Two trips to rehab, forty or so pounds, and now child endangerment charges. He’s like Britney Spears, only with better hair and less delusional British personalities.
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Quickies: Mama Told Me March 26, 2008
Well, whose grandmother hasn’t anally raped a man with a cucumber in an act of vigilante justice? (Jezebel)
The twenty most expensive celebrity divorces ever. (Customized Girl)
Richie Sambora gets popped for DUI, bad hair. (CelebWarship)
Scarlett Johansson nip slip! (CelebNewsWire)
Katie Holmes collapses under all the pressure of not having a penis. (Allie Is Wired)
Tyra Banks gets too big for her britches — in more ways than one. High five! (Jossip)
Eva Longoria ain’t so damn hot without all the face paint. (Websters)
Is that Sophie Monk camel toe I smell, or is it tuna casserole Wednesday? (Ninja Dude)
That’s not Beyonce. No way that’s Beyonce. Is it? (Pretty Boring)
Miley Cyrus’ mom is hot! In a praying mantis sort of way. (Fatback)
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
We Are All Connected in the Great Circle of Life
Researchers at the New England Historic Genealogical Society have discovered a familial link between Hollywood and Washington — Brad Pitt is related to presidential hopeful Barack Obama, while Angelina Jolie shares a lineage with former First Lady Hillary Clinton. Well, this news ought to sway a couple of votes! Us Weekly says
Pitt and Obama are ninth cousins, linked by Edwin Hickman, who died in Virginia in 1769. Clinton and Jolie, meanwhile, are ninth cousins, twice removed because they are both related to Jean Cusson who died in St. Sulpice, Quebec, in 1718.
Interestingly, the only presidential hopeful without famous celebrity cousins was Mike Huckabee, namely because all the backwoods inbreeding really thinned out his gene pool.
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Lindsay Lohan Continues “Not Promoting Arriva”
Lindsay Lohan continued her oh-so-subtle promotion of the smokeless tobacco product Arriva yesterday by walking around with the box strategically placed to reveal the brand name. Hard up for cash after a string of flops and multiple trips to rehab, the Firecrotch has resorted to paparazzi-centered product placement to earn her coke money. I can’t imagine Arriva will see any real increase sales, though, considering when she’s not playing billboard whore, she’s usually smoking cigarettes or putting out cigarettes or lighting cigarettes. It’d really make more sense to try to secure a spot as the unofficial face of Lifestyles brand condoms or RU-486. Now that the public could probably swallow. Pun intended!
Your name here:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Amy Winehouse to Perform at Club Powered by Human Energy
The Sun is reporting that Amy Winehouse is heading to South Africa for an extended stay in rehab, but Female First says she already has a big gig at the “world’s most bizarre club” lined up for September.
The troubled singer is set to pocket [$700,000] to sing at the opening night of a Rotterdam, Netherlands… venue powered entirely by human energy. “The energy will come from urine and sweat from the visitors. The club is set in the biggest drugs circuit in Holland. It is so out there it might even shock Amy.”
Shocking Amy Winehouse would be the modern-day equivalent of out-perving Caligula, so that’s really saying something. I can’t think of anything more fun than being at a concert fueled by the secretions of an orgiastic mob injecting heroin directly in their spines and snorting mildew remover between vomits. Maybe sphincter reconstruction or third degree burns, but even they’d only be a close second.
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
“How I Met Your Mother” Instructed to Avoid Britney’s ‘Trigger Topics’
People actually tuned in to watch Britney Spears’ bit part on “How I Met Your Mother” Monday night — according to the Hollywood Reporter, her guest role gave the CBS sitcom its highest rating ever. Right behind “The New Adventures of Old Christine” and Tampax commercials, I’m sure. Anyway, how did our favorite trainwreck get along with the cast? MSBNC says
A source close to Spears said that the role was very carefully chosen, and… production had [to agree] to be sensitive toward Spears and avoid “trigger” topics. “The folks on set… weren’t to bring up her music career [or] her kids. [They] said [that] they just wanted her to be treated normally, but obviously this wasn’t a normal situation.”
I, too, have a number of trigger topics that are not to be broached. The limp, for starters. Most of 1998. The public urination arrests. That Russian pantyhose fetish site and the fire at the Howard Johnson’s. Spectacled bears. In most situations it’s best to just feed me grain alcohol and lay me on the floor on my side so I don’t aspirate my own vomit. Bunker reality? More like “barely reality!” Psychoanalytic Theory can suck it.
Admiral Avoidance leaving Dominik’s Tuesday:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Quickies: Sad Sack March 25, 2008
The sexiest men in Hollywood in wet swim trunks. (Moviefone)
What to do when your drunken hook-up wets the bed? Yo, Spencer! (MollyGood)
This confirms it: Owen Wilson should have killed himself the first time. (Pajiba)
jessica simpson just can’t get any more pathetic. (Bastardly)
Heidi Montag’s newest song is just as “Beautiful” as hemorrhoid surgery. (Celebitchy)
Tallulah Belle might be a voodoo priestess. (Websters)
Heidi Klum in a painted-on t-shirt — literally! (Tasteful Celebs)
Jamie Lynn Spears gets engaged to the boy pretending he’s the father of her bastard child. (The Blemish)
Kate Moss as a slutty biker chick. (The Grumpiest)
Oprah buys her lesbian girlfriend a $7 million penthouse. (Wizbang Pop)
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Demi Moore’s Leech Therapy
Demi Moore was on The Late Show with David Letterman last night promoting her new movie “Flawless,” but the bulk of the interview was spent talking about how she’s started detoxifying herself with leeches. That’s right — bloodletting. Just like in ancient times! She says
These aren’t just swamp leeches. We are talking about highly trained medical leeches… high level blood suckers. They have a little enzyme that… gets released in your blood and generally you bleed for quite a bit and your health is optimized. It detoxifies your blood. I did it in some woman’s house laying on her bed. We did a little sampler first, which is in the belly button. It crawls in and you feel it bite down on you and you want to go, ‘You bastard.’ Then you relax and work on your Lamaze breathing just to kind of relax. You watch it swell up on your blood, get fatter and fatter, then when it’s super-drunk on your blood, it just kind of rolls over like it is stumbling out of the bar.”
And her secret cure for unsightly breakouts and blemishes? A thorough application of egg whites, one barelycorn of treacle and shaving the sign of the cross on your scalp while facing east in a crimson robe. For more beauty tips like these, check out Dioscorides’ “De Materia Medica.” At a medieval library near you!
Arriving at The Late Show:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Connect the Dots with Amy Winehouse!
Hey, kids! Today’s funtime activity is “Connect the Dots with Amy Winehouse!”* Connect the sores on Amy’s face and discover the picture hidden within! Use all the “dots” and make sure to have fun!
*Answer below
It’s a PENTAGRAM!! The ancient symbol rejected by Christianity in the twentieth century and later adopted by Satanists! Stayed tuned for next week’s funtime activity: “Find Twelve Things Starting with “B” Hidden in Britney Spears’ Cellulite!”
The devil in a red shirt:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Priscilla Presley Disfigured By Phony Doctor
Dancing with the Stars’ Priscilla Presley’s gorgeous face is the work of one Dr. Daniel Serrano, but don’t go scrambling for a phone book just yet. Dr. Serrano is no longer practicing those “miracle injections that work better than Botox,” mostly because he’s not a real doctor and can’t practice from prison. Lucky for you, there’s still Guatemala and the east coast of Brazil. According to TMZ
In fact, Serrano was injecting industrial, low-grade silicone similar to what’s used to lubricate auto parts in Argentina into the faces of these women. The injections caused lumps, paralysis and holes in the faces of some of the women he injected. As for Priscilla — who had no idea she was being injected with silicone — we’re told she’s undergoing corrective work.
Maybe it’s not all bad. So instead of getting “a face that could launch a thousand ships,” you’ve got “a face that could reduce premature wear on cylinders and pistons and keep your engine running smoothly for years to come.” Last time I checked, there wasn’t a Mrs. Goodwrench around!
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah!
Pamela and Rick’s Marriage Annulled
It’s official — the marriage of Pamela Anderson and Rick Saloman is over. The couple was granted an annulment yesterday on grounds of fraud. TMZ says
Both Rick and Pam privately stipulated to fraud. Pam promised Rick they would have children together. As we reported, Pam was pregnant at the time the couple separated. Shortly after the separation, we learned Pam was no longer pregnant.
Well, I guess “fraud” does sound better than “she had the fetus torn into chunks and vacuumed out of her snatch after our first fight.” Kinda like how “It’s not you; it’s me” sounds better than “I slept with your roommate and maxed out all the credit cards I opened in your name.” Ladies, I hope you’re taking notes.
Skanking it up at the un-aborteds’ little league practice last week:
Original Article syndicated via RSS from Yeeeah! | older posts »