Your Weekend Of Holiday Festivals [To Do] November 30, 2007
Friday · Music round-up: Ghostland Observatory at the Henry Fonda, Aimee Mann”s 2nd Annual Christmas Show with Paul F. Tompkins, Grant Lee Phillips, Nellie McKay, and Morgan Murphy at the El Rey, Jonathan Richman at Safari Sams, and Cake are at the Orpheum Theater. · The 5th Annual LA LGBT People of Color Film Festival begins tonight at the Egyptian.
Saturday · Satisfy your communal tree-lighting and eggnog cravings at the Los Feliz Village Holiday Festival, 6-10 p.m. · Apparently the strike has hit the agencies harder than we expected: William Morris”s Chris Lockhart will be hearing pitches from Alameda Writers Group members at the Glendale Library. · Can we interest you in some art? “Create:Fixate celebrates 6 years of art and music with a one-off salon style exhibit featuring a cross-section of the hundreds of artists we”ve worked with over the years!” Sunday · Musical offerings: Voxtrot at the Henry Fonda, VHS or Beta, Foreign Born, Afrobots at the El Rey, The Locust at the Knitting Factory, Kimya Dawson at the Smell, Mark Lanegan Band at the Troubadour. · Kirk Douglas signs Let”s Face It: 90 Years of Living, Loving, and Learning at Vroman”s in Pasadena, where security will be instructed to turn John Travolta away, no matter how big a heart-shaped box of chocolates he happens to be carrying. · Dana Delany and quintessentially Angeleno authors Bruce Wagner and James Ellroy will perform a reading at the Hammer Museum.
Though they did last a little longer than … [Jay Leno]
Though they did last a little longer than the mid-November date initially threatened by NBC, about 120 staffers at The Tonight Show were laid off today. On the bright side, the freshly pinkslipped employees were handed early Christmas bonus checks courtesy of Jay Leno; still, at least one disappointed now-former employee found themselves wishing they worked for Conan Claus instead: “We haven”t heard from him since the second or third day of the strike. He called on speakerphone while we were in our daily meeting and said, “Don”t look for other jobs, no one”s going to lose their house, we”ll get though this.” Two weeks ago, we got the heads up that we had two more weeks (of pay) and that”s it. Everyone wondered, “Is Jay going to come through?” And nothing happened. Conan makes less and he said, “I”m going to pay for my people.” ” [Scribe Vibe/Photo: Franklin Ave]
Dr. Seuss Presents: The Grinchy Negotiators Who Stole Christmas [Hollywood Whoville]
As the last four day of negotiations between the WGA and AMPTP ended on a rather discouraging note, with the Guild”s public statement revealing that they won”t be jumping into bed to consummate the studios” underwhelming New Economic Partnership until they come up with some sexier numbers, Hollywood now hurtles quickly towards a holiday season full of empty stockings, less-than-joyous picketing carols, and scaled-back Yuletide orgies. Still, some who toil in the industry are determined to party themselves into the New Year undeterred by strike-induced despair; this e-mail invitation from a “bunch of junior execs at the studios who live together in a big house in the Hollywood Hills” posted over at CNBC reporter Julia Boorstin”s Media Money blog defies twin negotiating Grinches Patric Verrone and Nick Counter to try and steal their Christmas with exhaustively Seuss-inspired verse:
Every roommate Down in Hollywoodville, Liked the holidays a lot… But the Guilds, Who lived just south of Hollywood, Did NOT!
The Guilds hated Christmas! They striked the whole season! Now, please don”t ask why. No one quite knows the reason. It could be that their heads weren”t screwed on quite right. It could be, perhaps, that dividends on residuals were too tight. But I think that the most likely reason of all May have been that the studios” hearts were two sizes too small. […]
With us roomies, young and old, we”ll sit down to a feast. We”ll start on champagne, and rare studio-roast-beast Which will be something the Guilds won”t stand in the least! Verrone will then think, “There”s no fun allowed now!
I MUST stop this holiday party from coming! …But HOW?” Then he”ll get an idea! An awful idea! A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
Verrone will meet with Counter and they”ll say “here”s what we”ll do… We”ll prolong this strike, fire assistants, and cut overtime too!” They will chuckle, and cluck, “What a great Grinchy trick! Patrick will say, “Well you”ve ruined December, you ol” stingy Nick!” They will stand there on Chaunukah, Christmas and Kwanza,
Hating everyone for not giving in to their demandz-a, Staring down from their offices with sour, Grinchy frowns, At us warm-lighted revelers below in Hollywood town. For they”ll know all us low-level peons beneath, Will be too busy making out below the mistleoe wreath.
“That”s a thought,” snarled the picketers, “That I simply can”t bear!” And just then they will pause, and put their hands to their ears. And over the hill, sounds of our party will rise… Higher than Larry King”s cholesterol after chili cheese fries. They”ll hear of our perfect party, as if in some holiday fable, And perhaps, just perhaps, they”ll say “let”s go back to the bargaining table!”
The rest of the e-mail (the above is barely half of it) is here, for those who wish to test to limits of their tolerance for painfully topical Seussian whimsy. Merry Strikemas!
- Go Writers, Go! Have You “A Cat In The Hat?” [Media Money]
Wayne Newton Recalls The Pain Of Being The Richard Simmons Of The Carson Era [Bullies]
Until we saw this clip from Larry King Live last night, we honestly had no clue how hard Johnny Carson made things for our secretly favorite Dancing with the Stars contestant, Wayne Newton, who couldn”t pull on a single, sequined polyester outfit and launch into song in a Las Vegas floorshow without having the late night despot crack some crass joke questioning his sexuality. (And later, he claims, finagling him a spot on a Mafia”s Most Wanted hit list.)
Watch as the consummate entertainer revisits the painful time in his career, clearly still scarred by the memory of The Tonight Show host ripping open the edge of a white envelope, blowing into it, and producing an index card that read “Name a cancer, a dancer, and a prancer,” (the response to Great Carsoni divination, “Lung, Barishnokov, and Wayne Newton”) to the audible delight of the studio audience.
Evel Knievel Jumps Motorcycle All The Way To Heaven [Deaths]
According to his website (and now, these wire service reports), Robert Craig “Evel” Knievel, the motorcycle-jumping daredevil of the1960 and 70s whose flamboyant, patriotically decorated jumpsuits were nearly as thrilling as his breathtaking leaps across the Caesar”s Palace fountains or the Snake River Canyon, has passed at the age of 69. For those of you who may be unfamiliar with his legendary body of work, our customary posthumous search for tribute material instantly yielded this musical montage celebrating the icon”s stunts, allowing us to remember him in the gravity-defying fashion in which he lived.
- In Memory Of Evel Knievel [Evelknieval.com]
- Evel Knievel Tribute Video [YouTube]
The guy who unsuccessfully sued Dan Brown … [Angels And Demons]
The guy who unsuccessfully sued Dan Brown for ripping off the basic premise of his own non-fiction book for The Da Vinci Code has died, suggesting a deadly curse is afoot, striking anyone who dares get in the unstoppable bestseller”s way. (We fear the delaying of the movie version of its sequel Angels & Demons puts many at Sony in danger. Watch out for falling pianos, Amy Pascal!) [AP]
Making Out With Our Advertisers A Little Bit [Sponsors]
Please join us in laying a big, wet, thankful smooch upon this week”s sponsors, any of whom we”d happily still kiss on-camera even if we were blood relations. If you”d like to advertise on Defamer and break some taboos, see this page.
Special thanks to: Belvedere Vodka, Crunch Fitness, Daft Punk, Dewars, Focus Features, Mandalay Bay, The New, New Museum, Register.com, The Shot, Uwushunu.com, The Whitest Kids U”Know
Audience Video Offers Kathy ‘Suck Me, Jesus’ Griffin The Way She Was Meant To Be Seen [Kathy Griffin]
If you found yourselves camped in front of the TV last night watching Kathy Griffin”s latest stand-up special, Straight to Hell, and wondering what it is about the comedian that sends her loyal, mostly gay audiences into hyperventilating fits of laughter over an act comprised of mostly warmed-over showbiz insider gossip, perhaps the above video will help:
It”s a shaky (motion-sickness-sensitive and epileptics be warned) YouTube audience video of the To Catch a Predator bit from last night”s show, only with all the cussing, racism, and too-dirty-for-basic-cable material included. Still not laughing? Try three shots of Jager and some whippits.
Rupert Murdoch Not Going To Let The Strike Ruin His Xmas Party Plans [Short Ends]
· Tom Cruise”s career as a studio mogul is off to an inauspicious start, as poor box office results for Lions for Lambs suggest he hasn”t quite cultivated the hitmaking instincts MGM believed he had when they handed him United Artists. Next up: Tom tries to kill Hitler! [Variety] · Entertainment companies are facing a difficult choice as the year draws to a close: Should they continue on with their holiday party plans despite the presence of nearby striking writers, pelting them with cocktail weenies and cups of eggnog purchased with money they”re saving on internet residual payments? Or should they shut down their galas, recognizing the economic hardships brought about by the work stoppage? For its part, Fox will continue on with a somewhat scaled-down version of the weenie-and-eggnog assault plans, as Rupert Murdoch was especially looking forward to drenching a couple of strikers himself. [THR]
· Sundance”s high-profile “Premieres” titles have been revealed, including Jack Black/Mos Def/Michel Gondry project Be Kind Rewind and Alan Ball”s directorial debut, Towelhead. [Variety] · Running out of new episodes of its scripted series, NBC is cramming three extra hours of reality shows onto its early 2008 schedule, with American Gladiators, The Biggest Loser and 1 vs. 100 filling timeslot holes caused by the strike. “We”re kicking off the New Year with a craptastic, writer-free bang!” crows NBC”s head of alternative programming. [Variety] · Cameron Diaz”s Christmas wish is granted as Shrek the Halls puts up “socko” (translation: huge) Nielsens Wednesday night, ensuring that future generations of children will be spending the holidays with their favorite Santa-ogre. [Variety]
Blogging Bravo executive extraordinaire Andy … [Andy Cohen]
Blogging Bravo executive extraordinaire Andy Cohen reports today that he was blindsided by the whole “Elizabeth Berkley hosting a show at his own network” thing. Isn”t that, like, his job? Or is he kidding? Was he also kidding about having “lice and crabs?” Do you agree with him that, “LA sucks. It SUCKS!” Discuss. [Andy”s Blog]
Elizabeth Berkley To Host Bravo’s ‘Project Dance-Off,’ Darlin’ [Reality TV]
We”ve got a serious case of the rainy-day, writers strike blues–when not even Writer Boi”s dope rollback rhymes, the fact that it”s Friday, or the announcement that the Doggie Chow-loving star of Goddess has emerged from retirement to host a reality dance-competition on Bravo seems enough to cheer us up:
Elizabeth Berkley has been tapped to host Bravo”s new reality competition series “Step It Up and Dance” (formerly “Step It Up”), sources said.
“Step It Up” will feature contestants trying to master a range of dance styles, from ballet and ballroom to Broadway and burlesque. The winner will receive a cash prize.
The series is in production, shooting at locations in and around Los Angeles. A premiere date has not been announced.
We can”t be the only ones to feel that Berkley is a tragically underutilized talent, and only hope she can handle the rigors of a reality TV shooting schedule: The last thing Step It Up needs is for the host to freak out during the competition”s Tap Challenge, pushing amateurish contestants aside and screaming, “Step! Step! Ball change! Reverse step! Ball! Change!” before collapsing to the floor and sending dozens of Jesse”s Little Helpers flying off in all directions. That said, we”ll submit, “You don”t know shit! Please pack your Capezios and go,” as a possible kiss-off phrase, but admit that our Showgirls-quoting skills are novice at best, and open the commenting floor to other suggestions.
Hoping that the public will believe that … [Britney Spears]
Hoping that the public will believe that those paternity-claiming text messages InTouch paraded out yesterday are as authentic as the misspelled pleas for sexual companionship you drunkenly send your friends from your gag HornyLohan69 Hotmail account, “a source close” to alleged Britney Spears sperm-donor JR Rotem is claiming the supposed evidence is “faked.” [UsMagazine.com]
All Hail Reese Witherspoon, Hollywood’s Highest-Paid Non-Male Performer [Rich Ladies]
Today, all the world will bow before the awesome earning power of 2007″s Most Expensive Female Movie Star: pointy-chinned romantic comedy juggernaut Reese Witherspoon, whose ability to command in excess of $15 million per picture can”t even be compromised by ill-advised on-screen dalliances with her lower-grossing, dreamy-eyed, alleged in-flight soulmate. The Reporter has just released the list of Hollywood”s best-compensated actresses, its annual reshuffling of the names of the only 10 ladies who get offered roles more satisfying than “allegedly homely best friend” or “youngish mother of a sassy teenager”:
1. Reese Witherspoon — $15 million-$20 million 2. Angelina Jolie — $15 million-$20 million 3. Cameron Diaz — $15+ million 4. Nicole Kidman — $10 million-$15 million 5. Renee Zellweger — $10 million-$15 million 6. Sandra Bullock — $10 million-$15 million 7. Julia Roberts — $10 million-$15 million 8. Drew Barrymore — $10 million-$12 million 9. Jodie Foster — $10 million-$12 million 10. Halle Berry — $10 million
We”d like to offer a hearty congratulations to Julia Roberts for her triumphant return to the list after a one-year absence; we sincerely hope that she”s learned a lesson from her brief slide from the top ten, finally realizing that this “raising a family away from the movie set” nonsense has been putting millions of dollars that are rightfully hers into the bank accounts of actresses more willing to have some grips keep an eye on their kids while mommy”s off earning a living.
- Sliding scale: Salaries of Hollywood”s leading ladies [THR]
- Previously: Nicole Kidman Ascends To Top Actress Earner Status Despite Interesting Career Choices [Defamer]
Double Shooting At Les Deux: Watch The Bloody Aftermath! [Our Glittery Gangland]
Always first on the scene when gunfire is exchanged, weaves yanked, or drunken opinions expressed outside Hollywood”s most action-packed drinking establishments, TMZ”s cameras captured footage of the disturbing aftermath of a shooting that took place near Les Deux last night.
(Initially they reported it happened inside the club, but have since updated to indicate the incident was just Les Deux-adjacent, and did not involve their upstanding, firearm-free patrons.) If you feel like the only thing that might really perk you up on this rainy and cold Friday morning is looking at graphic video of a gaping bullet wound in an unfortunate clubgoer”s stomach–or if you need another compelling reason to avoid the potentially deadly local nightclub scene–we can”t recommend the clip more enthusiastically.
The Strike, Day 26: That Sinking Feeling Returns [Hollywood Strikewatch]
The media blackout that accompanied the resumption of contract talks between the WGA and the AMPTP forced our Hollywood StrikeWatch round-up into a brief hiatus, but as the two sides have decided it”s time to start talking to the press again, we can put our bullet-pointed morning show back into production:
· Remember all the “cautious optimism” that was sweeping Hollywood as the Guild and studios got back to the bargaining table, spurred on by rumors that the dispute might get wrapped up before Christmas and the still-fresh memory of the sweet, lingering taste of picket-line churros consumed while marching for the cause? Now that the Guild has actually seen the AMPTP”s proposal, that optimism is being downgraded to “sinking feeling this thing might drag on for a while.” Says the WGA press release issued late yesterday: “Among the rumors was the assertion that the AMPTP had a groundbreaking proposal that would make this negotiation a “done deal.” In fact, for the first three days of this week, the companies presented in essence their November 4 package with not an iota of movement on any of the issues that matter to writers. Thursday morning, the first new proposal was finally presented to us. It dealt only with streaming and made-for-Internet jurisdiction, and it amounts to a massive rollback….
The AMPTP says it will have additional proposals to make but, as of Thursday evening, they have not been presented to us. We are scheduled to meet with them again on Tuesday.[…] The AMPTP”s intractability is dispiriting news but it must also be motivating. Any movement on the part of these multinational conglomerates has been the result of the collective action of our membership, with the support of SAG, other unions, supportive politicians, and the general public. We must fight on, returning to the lines on Monday in force to make it clear that we will not back down, that we will not accept a bad deal, and that we are all in this together.” [WGA.org] · In an update entitled WHERE WE STAND, the AMPTP reveals that it spent most of its free time away from the bargaining table workshopping positive-sounding names for a new proposal with its PR firm, proudly announcing it”s offered the Guild participation in a New Economic Partnership that will deliver Incredibly Generous Additional Compensation to the Cherished Content Partners upon whom the studios already lavish $1.3 billion for their services. How will those greedy scribes be able to say they”re interested in an equitable solution if they don”t accept this More Than Fair Invitation To Unlimited Prosperity? An excerpt from their statement: “While we strongly preferred to continue discussions, we respect and understand the WGA”s desire to review the proposals. We look forward to resuming talks on Tuesday, December 4. We continue to believe that there is common ground to be found between the two sides, and that our proposal for a New Economic Partnership offers the best chance to find it.” [AMPTP.org] · United Hollywood admires the balls it took to sell the Partnership with a smile: “Turns out their exciting, groundbreaking proposal is… a residual rollback. And not just any rollback, one of the biggest in the history of the Guild. Then, stunningly, the companies have the balls to say their plan gives us more compensation. Well, I”m sorry, but If you take away a dollar and give me a nickel, the nickel ain”t a raise. Somewhere, Nick Counter”s first-grade math teacher is embarrassed. So we decided to do some math of our own: We broke out the cost of the WGA”s current proposal to the conglomerates into yearly figures. We found that the TOTAL payment yearly — the total that ALL the companies would make under our proposals — is $50.54 million. And that, we realized, is about one-third the budget of TRANSFORMERS. We are asking IN TOTAL, for the equivalent of the cost overrun on a summer event movie.” [United Hollywood] · The “AMPTP” takes yet another stab at getting their message onto the YouTubes. [YouTube] · In perhaps the most depressing development following the last four days of negotiations, over at the Reporter, the bickering silhouettes have resumed their tug of war over the giant pencil. [THR]
- Complete StrikeWatch Coverage [Defamer]
The One Where The ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ Doctor And Her Brother Make Out A Little [Short Ends]
· You”ve got to make it to the 2:00 mark on the above video for the payoff, but if you do, you”ll be rewarded with the sight of Grey”s Anatomy star Chyler Leigh making out with her brother in some terrible movie. Enjoy, sickies! [via R&M] · Coming to Fox in week 12 of the strike: Backyard Baby Deathmatch. · Of course, we hardly need to make that joke when we”ve got Look At What A Terrible Liar You Are, Dummy debuting pretty soon. · This just made our hearts explode a little bit.
Counting Down The 25 Greatest TV Gays In History [Visibility]
It”s beginning to feel a lot like the holiday season, and that makes us think of Christmas lists and elves, and that in turn makes us think of lists and gays, bringing us, finally, to this AfterElton list of The Top 25 Gay TV Characters, as chosen by their readers. We assume all the entries had to be out–explaining the absence of such light-footed small screen luminaries as Bewitched“s Uncle Arthur and Knight Rider“s KITT–and for highlighting we choose #23, Soap“s Jodie Dallas.
As played by Billy Crystal, Jodie is often credited with being the first openly gay recurring character on network TV (if not the most enlightened), and will always bring to mind the cherished childhood recollection of the following exchange with dimwitted aunt Jessica Tate, memorably played by Katherine Helmond:
Jodie: Plato was gay. Jessica: Mickey Mouse”s dog was gay? Jodie: Goofy was his lover.
Unlike pal George Clooney, who steps out … [Brad PItt]
Unlike pal George Clooney, who steps out onto his front porch each morning and sings a love song to Hollywood with the chorus of bluebirds who”ve alighted upon his outstretched arms, a gloomy, world-weary Brad Pitt seems to be waiting around for someone to tell him his time is up: “I figure I”ve got very few films left. Who knows how many I”ll get to do now, so I want to do something I”m interested in. Otherwise, I don”t want to bother. I think it”s a younger person”s game.” And oh yeah: no more nude scenes, because he doesn”t want to be sitting on the couch with Maddox and Pax years from now, having to sheepishly explain why daddy thought that having his ass exposed or wang hanging out was “essential to the character” when one of his movies turns up on HBO. [People]
Today’s most popular headlines are The Smart … [Stats Feed]
Today”s most popular headlines are The Smart 50: Entertainment Weekly Declares That There Are At Least 50 Intelligent People In Hollywood (5,130 views today), InTouch Presents BlackBerry Evidence About Britney Spears” Rumored Knocking-Up (2,808) and “Project Runway” Universe Thrown Into Chaos With Introduction Of Male Models (2,752). Today”s most discussed stories are The Smart 50: Entertainment Weekly Declares That There Are At Least 50 Intelligent People In Hollywood (23 comments), 10 Dead, 5 Injured In Britney Spears Hustler Store Shopping Spree (20) and Tara Reid”s Body-Shot-Pouring Services Still In Demand Down Under (10).
Putting his finger on a vague something that’s … [Guns N Roses]
Putting his finger on a vague something that”s been missing from this holiday season, a San Francisco Chronicle writer realizes that it”s a lack of rumors about the imminent release of Guns N” Roses” Chinese Democracy that”s bugging him, then provides a timeline of all the times that Axl Rose, like a creatively blocked Grinch in a kilt and catcher”s chest protector, has let the world down since 1999: “May 11, 2001: The New York Daily News quotes an “insider,” who says the album is basically done. “The album has been finished to everybody else”s satisfaction for over a year now,” the source says. “But Axl keeps going back to remix it and add vocals.” [SFGate.com]
Ever Wonder Who Would Sleep With Carrot Top? [Beta Carotine]
Carrot Top, the real-world Batman villain created when a mild-mannered comic fell into a vat of radioactive toxic sewage at the Acme Oversized Props factory, was captured coming out of Fred Segal yesterday by TMZ cameras. They caught him again later that night with a massively bemeloned woman on his arm, providing onlookers a bounty of huge produce the likes of which one can typically only find at a Blue Ribbon presentation ceremony of the County Fair.
Nightwatchman, Sarah N’ Friends, Same JOnes [To Do]
· Music round-up: Tom “The Nightwatchman” Morello at Hotel Cafe; The Hedrons at Spaceland; The Rolling Blackouts at Silverlake Lounge. · Sarah Silverman and the cast of her Comedy Central show (Brian Posehn, Steve Agee, Jay Johnston, and sister Laura) are doing an uncensored comedy benefit for the Arava Institute of Environmental Studies at the USC Bovard Auditorium. And just to sweeten the pot (theoretically), Roseanne Barr is scheduled to make a guest appearance. · At Book Soup, fllmmaker/photographer Sam Jones signs The Here and Now, a collection of his award-winning photography.
As Sex and Breakfast star Eliza Dushku is … [Hollywood Fuckingwatch] November 29, 2007
As Sex and Breakfast star Eliza Dushku is now discovering, the problem with taking a role in a movie about group sex is that you then must spend all of your time explaining to reporters that you are just playing a horny character who”s exploring the multiway-fucking boundaries of her sexuality, and not necessarily an orgy enthusiast yourself. [LAT]
Increasingly emboldened lovebirds Jake Gyllenhaal … [Jake Gyllenhaal]
Increasingly emboldened lovebirds Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon have reportedly taken to their skies with their primal lovemaking, occupying a first class Lufthansa bathroom for 11 minutes, according to Star magazine, before emerging separately, their skin luminescent with just the slightest coating of moist, mile-high afterglow. [showbizspy.com]
Germans Give Tom Cruise Coveted Golden Bambi In Recognition Of His Moviemaking Courage [Gilded Does And Nazi Hunters]
In a possible sign that onetime international superstar Tom Cruise”s unnervingly sunny smile might finally be thawing the frosty hearts of a Scientology-suspicious German society that has callously refused his generous offer to build a 50-foot-tall statue of L. Ron Hubbard in the center of Berlin, the actor was today presented with a prestigious Bambi “Courage” award, a recognition our cursory internet research reveals may be one the highest honors handed out by Teutonic publishing concern Hubert Burda Media.
The impetus for granting the Bambi was, according to a jury panel, The Valkyrie star and producer”s efforts to make “an international public familiar with a story that has never before been the theme of a major Hollywood production: the German resistance against the Third Reich,” a noble mission from which the brave Cruise did not allow himself to be deterred, even when faced with the opposition of permit-withholding government functionaries, a terrifying gas attack by a wily saboteur, and the undermining influence of double-agents within the production”s hair and wardrobe departments bent on breaking his will by making him look ridiculous both on and off the set.
[Photo: Getty Images]
