The Clip Show: Mistrials And Tribulations September 29, 2007
· The Phil Spector mistrial would like to thank you for the add. · Meg White”s sex tape virtue is still intact, despite a brief scare. · Live your every day like it could be George Clooney”s last. · Kid Nation recreates a pivotal scene in Babel, to chilling effect. · Kiefer Sutherland really doesn”t need to be dealing with this right now, but it”s not going away. · Ben Silverman weighs the odds of the greenlit series he”s been meaning to watch. · John McTiernan sentenced to four months for his Rollerball remake crimes. · GLAAD insists there”s still not enough gay characters on network TV. Not gay actors, though. There”s plenty of them. · Defamer is temporarily haunted by various Fisher & Sons Funeral Home ghosts. Bubbling cauldrons of spilled blood Showtime color-branding ensue. · More CompletelyImmaterialGate fallout. · Defamer makes it to Peter Harper”s art opening. · Hoff Resurrections: An E! show, and NBC”s Knight Rider redux. · Chili lunch thetans ruin a perfectly good moment of silence. · If loving Judy is wrong, Jake Gyllenhaal doesn”t want to be right. · T.R. Knight as happy as humanly possible.
Short Ends: Lisping Rocks, Posh Nazi-Hunters, And Tumescent Hacks
· No, The Rock, don”t eat those cookies your daughter baked for you! There”s cinnamon in them, and you”ll have a hilarious allergic reaction that makes you talk like Robin Williams doing his Deaf Guy impression! · Posh makes the far tougher-looking Nazi-hunter, in our opinion. · Two generations of Stillers offer updates on Owen Wilson”s recovery. · Ratner embonered by the hott, NC-17 sex in Ang Lee”s Lust, Caution. · Sun rises, sun sets, Ryan Adams melts down onstage.
Sobering Developments: Kiefer Charged September 28, 2007
We”ll admit to perhaps being in the tiniest amount of denial about this Kiefer Sutherland DUI situation, as we spent most of the week trying to convince ourselves that the story was just some kind of hallucinatory side effect of our own Tuesday morning hangover. But then news arrives about charges being officially filed today and it becomes a little harder to ignore the fact that America”s most lovable, belt-sander-wielding, Geneva-convention-violating counterterrorist (see, there we go again, emotionally defending ourselves by imagining he”s as invulnerable as Jack Bauer) could be in some real jeopardy:
The star of the Fox TV drama 24 was charged with single counts of driving under the influence and driving with a blood-alcohol level of .08 or above, said city attorney spokesman Nick Velasquez. If convicted, he faces a maximum sentence of a year in jail and a minimum of four days, Velasquez said.
“We also charged him with a second DUI offense within 10 years, which we believe also violates the terms of his probation,” Velasquez added.
If found guilty of violating probation, Sutherland could be sentenced to an additional six months.
While we know we can”t avoid reality forever, we”re happy to retreat back into fantasy for a little while longer, at least until the next update about the progress of the DUI proceedings. Excuse us while we close our eyes and envision Kiefer giving us a thumbs-up from across Ye Rustic Inn just moments before throwing his body into a Christmas tree, helping his evergreen adversary back to an upright position, then hooking his car keys on one of its branches as he whispers apologetically, “Hey, buddy, sorry about that. How about you give me a ride home? You know, the probation and all that. Can”t be too careful.”
- Kiefer Sutherland charged with DUI [USA Today]
- Previously: Kiefer Sutherland Arrested For DUI, Loses Precious World-Saving Time While Being Processed By LAPD [Defamer]
To Do: Your Weekend Of Seemingly Limitless Festival Choices
Friday · Music round-up: Girl Talk at Echoplex; The National at the Wiltern; Low at the Troubadour; Rob Dickinson at the Hotel Café. · Garrett Morris” Downtown Comedy Club hosts the semifinals of the first annual California Comedy Festival. · The Swerve Festival begins its weekend-long celebration of “West Coast creative culture and its community inspired by art, film, music and action sports” with an opening night screening of surfing doc Surfwise at the Vista, followed up by some spinning by DJ Kiino Villand.
Saturday · More music: Bright Eyes at the Hollywood Bowl; India.Aire and Ziggy Marley at the Greek; Low does a second night at the Troubadour. · The Neighborhood Music Festival at Exposition Park has a lineup featuring DJ AM, Steve Aoki, and Spank Rock… · …while the Nocturnal 2007 festival has Paul Van Dyk, Chemical Brothers, and others at 836 Francisco Street downtown. Sunday · Are there any more festivals going on this weekend, you may ask? Of course there are, as an obscure Venice” thoroughfare is closed off for the 23rd Abbot Kinney Festival, featuring the expected mix of music, art, and stalls selling funnel cakes and/or dreamcatchers. · If Venice is too far, there”s always the Grand Avenue Festival downtown to satisfy eastsiders” communal gathering needs. · And lastly, there”s the West Hollywood Book Fair at West Hollywood Park to further splinter Sunday afternoon”s festival-going community.
Debts To Society: Did Michelle Rodriguez Fall Off The Parole-Adherence Wagon?
While repeat DUI-offender Michelle Rodriguez”s employment woes have been temporarily staved off, having won a role in James Cameron”s hotly anticipated Avatar, her legal troubles continue to come up on her like a Spam-and-cheese sandwich after one too many after-work Scorpion Bowls. At issue is an L.A. parole violation for her drunk driving arrest in Hawaii, for which she was sentenced to 60 days in jail, and which, in typical celebrity justice fashion, turned into 4 hours and 27 minutes of hard time, and 30 mandated days of community service. Now prosecutors are claiming she came up short, and lied about the days she claimed she did work:
Prosecutors in Los Angeles want the former “Lost” star”s probation on several charges including hit and run and driving under the influence, revoked for allegedly failing to fulfill her community service obligations.
In documents obtained by Access Hollywood, prosecutors allege that Rodriguez turned in papers claiming she performed only 16 days of community service out of 30 days.
Also, one of those days is being called into question — September 25, 2006…As a result of the conflicting reports, the prosecution claims all of Rodriguez”s community service should be called into question.
Rodriguez”s aversion to community service is well established, having passed on that option during her Hawaiian sentencing in favor of a five-day poetry and song retreat behind the walls of a Honolulu women”s correctional facility. Should her distaste for highwayside refuse-spearing have led her to lie to the court, however, the consequences could be severe; so severe, in fact, that they could affect her access to the Avatar set, whereupon she”d quickly find herself replaced by a far more dependable synthespian with no bad habit of stepping behind the wheel of a CGI-spaceship after one too many virtua-cocktails.
- Michelle Rodriguez”s Probation To Be Revoked? [accesshollywood.com]
Friday Afternoon Nonsense Theater: The Inventively Sewer-Mouthed Return Of Winnebago Man
A tipster suggested that we reprise our Friday Afternoon Nonsense Theater feature with the above compilation clip of Found Footage Festival superstar Jack “Winnebago Man” Rebney, and since we”re all about empowering our readers to make our jobs easier on excruciatingly slow news days, we”re happy to comply. In the previous installment, we were introduced to Rebney”s Milchian flair for profanity; in the opening moments of today”s edition, we see a swearing pioneer pushing boldly past the borders of the English language and into the previously unexplored potty-mouth frontier.
- Winnebago Man Rides Again [Buzznet]
- Previously: Friday Afternoon Nonsense Theater: Five Minutes With Winnebago Man [Defamer]
Heidi Montag’s Breasts Hit The Beach
I’m going to leave you guys today with some Heidi Montag bikini pictures. This week Heidi revealed to US Weekly that she got breast implants. Duh! Not like we didn’t know that already, but hey, I guess she wanted to get it off her chest *cough cough*. Anyway, enjoy Heidi’s new boob job, and have yourself a good weekend.
Related Articles: Heidi Montag Showers In Her Bikini Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures Heidi Montag In A Bikini Again Heidi Montag Bikini Pictures
Photos: PacificCoastNews
Second Comings: ‘John From Cincinnati’ Fans Still Have Faith In Their Surfing Messiah’s Resurrection
The “save John From Cincinnati ad” taken out in today”s THR is probably a case of too little, too late as the quickly aborted surfing drama”s sets have been struck, its cast scattered, and its creator already tasked with dreaming up a new world in which his characters can communicate in a language primarily comprised of expletives. But if we”ve learned anything from the Jericho“s successful Nuts! campaign, it”s that the only way that fans can have their voices heard is by annoying TV executives with non-stop deliveries to their places of business, hoping that the constant presence of handtruck-pushing men in brown shorts in their offices wears down their defenses.
Accordingly, we”d recommend that the Save John alliance redirect its ad-sales budget into the purchase of thousands of dildos for immediate shipment to HBO”s headquarters, sending a message that the network”s fucking-obsessed programmers made a grave mistake when they decided to make Tell Me You Love Me the focus of their post-Sopranos schedule instead of their beloved Cincinnatian.
[Ad via THR Digital Edition]
- Center for Save John From Cincinnati Campaigns [Savejfc.net]
- Previously: HBO Gives Up On “John From Cincinnatti” After Just One Inscrutable Season [Defamer]
Logical Explanations Dept.: Is ABC not sending out advance screeners …
Is ABC not sending out advance screeners of the primitively retooled Cavemen to critics because the network doesn”t have any confidence in their product? Of course not! “”They”re not ready,” the spokesman said. “They want the “finishing touches” completed before critics take a peek, and that won”t happen before the premiere. “That”s all there is to it.”" And if critics don”t get a chance to depress Tuesday”s debut-night numbers with their silly opinions, well, that”s just a bonus of the network”s obsessive–and not at all suspicious–perfectionism. [LAT ShowTracker]
And He’s Still Waiting For His Team Francis Great Dane: Joe Francis Upset At Obvious Miscarriage Of Misogynist-Related Justice
Incarcerated Girls Gone Wild titty-flash magnate Joe Francis isn”t afraid to get topical in spreading the word about MeetJoeFrancis.com, the handsomely designed internet presence he launched last week to keep the public up-to-date on his hopes, dreams, and fears while he continues his ongoing battle with a judicial system hell-bent on keeping him off the drunken-coed-clogged beaches of South Florida and Mexico.
Unfortunately, the headline we”ve spotlighted above is merely a bait-and-switch tactic to get you to read a press release about the site and Francis”s legal troubles, dashing our hopes that we”d get some rare expert analysis from someone with extensive courtroom experience related to his bad experiences with women.
- Phil Spector Walks Free: Joe Francis Still Held Without Bail [biz.yahoo]
- Previously: Jailbound Joe Francis Keeping Busy With Web-Based Image-Rehaul Campaign [Defamer]
Quickies: Puke My Heart Out
Somebody needs to take Diddy down a peg. (Mollygood)
Hilary Duff is aging like a fine wine. (Popoholic)
The new season of The Office kicked off with rabies, nipple chafing, and dead cats. (Best Week Ever)
Who wants to watch Mariah take a leak? (The Blemish)
Paris Hilton dresses up like a Barbie to promote her new perfume, which is fitting since it probably smells like plastic commingled with ripe herpes sores. (Celebitchy)
Or if that’s not appealing, you could always go with something a little more “Taco Bell bathroom mixed with Cigarette Butts.” (Celebslam)
Y’know what’s always fun? Laughing at other peoples’ ideas and dreams. (Pajiba)
But watching small children get pwned is a close second. (timekiller)
Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Don Johnson Encounters Feta Cheese In Larchmont Village
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “sighting” or “PrivacyWatch” in the subject line so we don”t lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw the ghost of one of The Others studying documents in a deli.
In today”s episode: Don Johnson; Topher Grace, Seth Gabel, Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan; Drew Barrymore and Justin Long; Seth MacFarlane, Steve Harwell, Reid Scott and Michael Bunin; Dominic Monaghan; Michael Ovitz; John Cho; Dita Von Teese; Adrian Grenier; Monica Keena and David Anders; Gregg Araki and James Duval; Dizzy Reed; William Mapother; Brandon Davis and Danny Bonaduce.
· A well-preserved Don Johnson was having lunch outside at Le Petit Greek on Larchmont today (9/26). Had this been twenty some-odd years ago, I would”ve been so excited instead of mildly/hardly amused.
· Post-Arcade Fire at Magnolia on Sunset. Saw a baseball-capped Topher Grace with pervy/sweaty/stabby Nip/Tuck kid, Seth Gabel. They chatted up some girls on the patio before walking off down Sunset. Thirty minutes and one burger later, saw Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan walking towards us arm and arm. She stopped at the valet stand and waited as an attendant got her car, while Rodriguez kept strolling along by himself. After getting her SUV, McGowan drove and caught up with the still ambling Rodriguez further down Sunset where he then got in. Those two head cases seem made for each other.
· Bizarre assortment of C-level celebs at Bar Lubitsch last night (9/26), plus one good one. The C-team: Seth “Family Guy” MacFarlane, the lead singer of Smashmouth (Steve Harwell, and two of the dudes from TBS” “My Boys”. (”Brendan” (Reid Scott) and “Kenny” (Michael Bunin), hanging together. life imitating TV art.)
The good one: Drew Barrymore. She”s been there a few times lately… with the Mac guy (Justin Long). Didn”t see him last night, though. Had a weird feeling when she was standing by our table. I thought, ” Who is that? Did I go to high school with that girl? Did we go on a blind date once? Wait, no, it”s Drew Barrymore. Right on.”
· Saw Dominic Monaghan at the Klaxon”s concert at the Henry Fonda (Sept. 26). No girlfriend in sight, but that”s probably because she wasn”t fired from LOST like he was and is currently filming in Hawaii. Dude is super short - although since he played a hobbit in three movies that”s probably too obvious of an observation.
· Last Tuesday Michael Ovitz, wife Judy and three children being congratulated by former CAA cohorts at Ovitz”s new restaurant Kumo on Melrose.
· 9/26: Dinner at Canele in Atwater Village, saw John Cho or as my friend who spotted him first put it, “the only Asian actor I recognize, you know, the dude from Harold & Kumar.” Ahh… I don”t think she watches HEROES. Being 1 and 1/2 asians between the two of us, I replied (silently), “more recognizable roles for Asian-American actors!” Anywho, he”s a handsome fellow.
· Saw Dita Von Teese at the Hollywood Bowl Sunday 9/23 for the Rufus Wainwright show (which was amazing). She was waiting in the Will Call line with a less fabulous friend. She looked incredible with perfect hair and make up, and a gorgeous outfit. Unfortunately that outfit covered her well, no free show for us.
· 9/19 7:30pm - Saw Adrian Grenier at LACMA for the Muse reception before the “Into the Wild” screening. He was flanked by two blonde girls who looked like they couldn”t tell a Cezanne from a Hockney. He couldn”t have cared less about them, choosing instead to direct his attention to the stage where The Good Listeners were performing. He was wearing a black fleece and dark pants, requisite face fuzz, all of which looked good on him. Total cutie.
· Wed, 9/26: The Coronet on La Cienega - Spotted Monica Keena (Dawson”s Creek, various guest star roles–she was the girl with the pole through her gut on Grey”s Anatomy) sitting at a booth along the bar. Couldn”t see who she was with at first, but noticed that she”s looking aaaaaaawfully plastic. Remember the 30 Rock episode where Jane Krakowski”s character has a ton of work done and Tina Fey goes on about her looking like a burn victim? I feel like a bitch saying it, but poor Monica is approaching that territory. Or maybe she hasn”t had any work done and just has a naturally tight skinned-big lipped face! Oh, but then, when she left, I saw she was following David Anders (one of the new Heroes, formerly of Alias) out of the bar. She”s very tiny. He”s very hot.
· Saw Gregg Araki and James Duval holding court at the Editors show Monday night @ The Wiltern
· Just got back to town and my Internet connection, but did have one very small celebrity sighting to share from a recent trip to Los Angeles. Last Thursday night (9/20), at the Supersuckers gig at the Key Club, just happened to run into Dizzy Reed, keyboard player for Guns and Roses. I know it”s not much, but I would hope it”s at least a TINY bit more interesting than Nate Corddry or some of the other “who?” I have seen listed in the sightings.
· 2 quasi-celeb sightings in 1 day, although I doubt the first really counts: Sunday 9/23- a brunching Brandon Davis, famous for being greasy, sleeping with celebutards, and calling Lindsay a “firecrotch”, eating with 3 disheveled friends at Mauro”s Cafe in Fred Segal. He looked less greasy and bloated than usual. I was sitting next to his table and believe I overheard him talking about a recent visit to the doctor. Draw your own conclusions…
Sunday 9/23- 8 PM Went out with a few friends for a low-key pastrami-on-rye dinner. Standing with us waiting to be seated was William Mapother- Ethan on Lost and as Tom Cruise”s cousin. He was by himself with a stack of magazines and asked to be seated in the back. He was reading intensely the entire time. Very low-key, tall, and better looking than expected. Still creeped me out to come face to face with one of The Others.
· Sep 25 On the JetBlue bus from JFK to Burbank. Danny Bonaduce himself, looking very LA in bestudded jeans, designer tee, and a very, very sparkly rhinestone belt buckle. I had to put my shades on, the glow was so intense. He went to the back of the bus, BTW.
Sponsors: We Would Never Make Our Advertisers Slaughter Their Own Chickens
Take a moment to share in our appreciation of this week”s sponsors, whom we”d never ship off to New Mexico ghost towns to learn how to pluck poultry or slave away in the mercantile to earn a handful of nickels. If you”d like to advertise on Defamer and flourish under our loving guardianship, see this page
Special thanks to: Annie Lennox, Crown Publishing, Crunch, The Darjeeling Limited, Dexter, Dirty Sexy Money, Evian, Garnier, KT Tunstall, Mandalay Bay, The TV Set, VW
Trade Roundup: The WGA Vs. Temptation
· The Writers Guild, SAG, AFTRA, and the Teamsters picketed FremantleMedia yesterday over the game show Temptation, a protest that followed four writers walking off the show last month because they are working way too hard on a Sale of the Century clone not to have Guild benefits: “”We worked 14 to 18 hours a day on “Temptation” for two months,” said guild member Aaron Solomon, head writer for Temptation and one of the four who walked. “The fact that Fremantle wouldn”t negotiate with the WGAW felt like a slap in the face.”" [THR] · The Office“s hourlong premiere–which is sure to inspire a resurgence of rabies-awareness 5K fun runs at places of business all across the country, complete with stripper nurses and huge checks–tied its best-ever rating in the 18-49 demo. [THR]
· Comic book adaptation specialist David Goyer (credits in this area too numerous to mention) will direct a feature based on the graphic novel Baltimore, or the Steadfast Tin Soldier and the Vampire. [Variety] · Competing fish-out-of-water comedies clash at the box office this weekend, as Jamie Foxx tests the tolerance of uptight Saudi Arabian locals for his hard-partying American ways in The Kingdom, and The Rock”s quarterback finds himself lost in the world of single parenthood, where facing down his adorable daughter will prove far scarier than taking a hit from a 250-pound linebacker in The Game Plan. Fun! [Variety] · Matt Stone and Trey Parker are producing 10 episodes of Kenny vs. Spenny for Comedy Central, a Canadian series in which two friends challenge each other to things like staring contests, sleep deprivation marathons, and dead-octopus-hat-wearing endurance tests. [THR]
Honors: Britney Spears Honored For Staged Incompetence
In what must be the most trying and unheralded period of Britney Spears”s career yet, any sort of achievement–even topping a UKTV Gold poll honoring the “most embarrassing dance sequence of all time”–must come as welcome news. Surely learning not even the mass cringing elicited by Elaine Benes”s thumb-flinging pas de incontinence could approach that of her own VMAs performance should be enough to comfort Spears with the knowledge that 2007 wasn”t a total wash.
- Britney”s “crime against choreography” tops poll [today.reuters.com]
Owen Wilson Has Embarrassing Friends
Ben Stiller appeared on “Ellen” today on his My friend tried to kill himself The Heartbreak Kid press junket and made the following statements, (via People)
“He’s doing really well,” Stiller, 41, tells Ellen DeGeneres on her show Friday.
“I sort of like to protect his privacy, ’cause I feel like it’s his own thing,” says Stiller. “But he’s a really good friend of mine. He’s an incredible guy and I wish him as everybody does, all the best.”
Poor Owen Wilson. I don’t know what the hell pushed him over the edge to make him try to kill himself — but after having his nerdlinger friend going on fucking Ellen telling the world that buddy is keeping a stiff upper lip — I bet whatever it was doesn’t seem so bad now. Nothing jolts you out of a good depression like some Grade A humiliation. Maybe to further put things into perspective, next time he’s out shopping with his Mother he can have her grab the crotch of his pants to “see if there’s enough room in there” — or walk down a red carpet with TP stuck to his shoe.
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Ongoing Penances: Were those 82 horrifying minutes of incarceration …
Were those 82 horrifying minutes of incarceration not punishment enough for expectant mom Nicole Richie? She”ll now have to endure 18 months of anti-drunk-driving education, much of which she”ll spend sending in the back of the room, rolling her eyes and complaining to a classmate, “Hell-oooo? Don”t these idiots know I was on pot and Vicodin when I drove the wrong way on the 134, not booze? Can you wake me up when we get that part?” [People]
Vandalay Industries Opens Michigan Branch: ‘Seinfeld’ Gives Recycling Scammers Business Inspiration
In what is being referred to as the “Seinfeld Scam,” thirteen free-thinking entrepreneurs have apparently taken some inspiration from a 1996 episode of the show in which Newman and a pre-racist Kramer head to Michigan laden with aluminum cans, hoping to exploit the state”s generous 10-cent recycling rate for profit. Sure, the can-smugglers have technically committed fraud and cost Michigan millions of dollars, but they do deserve credit for at least borrowing a potentially lucrative plotline from the show; other, less-imaginative–but more law-abiding–fans are hardly getting rich from their Seinfeld-derived businesses and snapping up seven-figure mansions.
- 13 Arrested In Seinfeld-Type Scam [Liveleak via Breitbart]
Accidental Activism: Pushy Junket Reporter Ropes Adam Sandler Into The Gay Cause
Mexican audiences will be able to find out what all the bear-on-bear fireman fuss was about, as Los declaro marido y … Larry–aka I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry–is finally getting a release there. (It rolled into Spain a few weeks ago, with the far catchier title Os Declaro Marido Y Marido, and an accompanying feeder-fetish website that hearkens to other classics of the genre.) In Mexico City to promote the opening, Adam Sandler appears to have fallen for the oldest wire reporter trick in the book–answering “Sure, why not?” to a seemingly innocuous but strategically phrased question, then waking up to headlines outlining your passionate commitment to fighting for gay rights:
Adam Sandler says he would like to work alongside gay-rights groups after starring in “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry.”
Sandler, who was in Mexico with co-star Kevin James to promote the film”s opening in theaters here, told a news conference: “If I can help anybody in any way, I certainly would.”
But the 41-year-old actor-comedian stopped short of calling himself a potential gay icon.
“I don”t think that”s gonna happen, dude, certainly not,” Sandler said. “If I was a gay man, I wouldn”t want me to represent” the gay community.
With Sandler”s solidarity with the Gay movement now on record, it won”t be long before he”s contacted by a PSA-hungry GLAAD looking to collect on his press conference pledge, demanding he start by taping a 30-second spot on the importance of using sensitive language when addressing the growing number of Gay Robots in American schools and workplaces.
Stacey Snider Lines Up For Her Butt-smooching: With all the attention being paid to the …
With all the attention being paid to the damage done to Steven Spielberg”s ego when Viacom CEO Phillippe Dauman said those two terrible little words, Var“s Anne Thompson reminds the Paramount powers-that-be that they”d better start kissing the DreamWorks tattoo on Stacey Snider”s ass right quick if they want to save the relationship. [Variety]
Follow-ups: Once the bleeding in our eyeballs subsided …
Once the bleeding in our eyeballs subsided after having a look at That Which We Wish We”d Never Seen, it started to bother us that we couldn”t quite put our finger on whom the prop comic eerily resembles. We can rest easy now. [Blowing Smoke]
Acts Of Charity: Angelina Jolie Can Make You Cry On Command
While we”d like to think that every impoverished child Angelina Jolie encounters on her world travels will eventually find him or herself a member of the seemingly always-expanding Pitt-Jolie clan, she cannot, in fact, adopt them all.
At the Clinton Global Initiative Conference, Jolie tells the emotional story of a compassionate Syrian boy who”ll probably never get the chance to eat the dijon-crusted pollack alongside Maddox at his bilingual private school. You may want to skip this one if you”re not in the mood for a good Friday morning cry, for you will be moved. (We were, and our hearts are made of dijon-crusted coal.)
Bridgette Neilson Had Some Work Done
Hey look! It’s that old white lady who used to bang Flavor Flav! What was her name… Oh, yes — Bridgette Neilson. How could I forget? I must say, she’s looking far less crusty and haggard than she did on the “Surreal Life.” Don’t get me wrong — she still looks like a tranny, just a healthier tranny. Like the kind you wouldn’t find passed out in the dumpster behind the drag bar. Hmmm… I wonder if she stopped smoking. Yep, that’ll do it. Don’t smoke kids!
More of Rumer Willis Bridgette, after the jump!
Nicole Richie Gets Her Comeuppance
After getting off the hook by spending those whole 82 minutes in jail, Nicole Richie finally eats it with a mandatory alcohol rehabilitation program. People reports:
Papers filed with the Superior Court of California show that on Sept. 26 Richie signed up for a 18-month anti-drinking driver course, known as the SB 38 Alcohol Program. SB 38 is for people who have been convicted of DUI on more than one occasion within a 7-year period, the Santa Barbara Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse states on its Web site.
The program consists of 52 hours of group counseling, bi-weekly face-to-face interviews and 12 hours of alcohol education, according to the council. Participants are also encouraged to attend 12-step meetings.
When I was a Sophomore in college my roommate and I got busted drinking 40’s of Coors Light in our dorm room and were forced to spend two Saturdays taking some bullshit alcohol responsibility classes — and let me tell you, it was hell. I’ve tried to repress the memories as much as possible, but I will say there was role playing involved. With strangers. I wouldn’t wish 18 months of that on somebody if they killed my whole family. So let’s just say, if I were Nicole — I’d see if jail were maybe still an option.
More photos of some Ethiopian in a red bikini after the jump.
Joey Fatone Wants to Help Britney
Wait, so who is Joey Fatone again? Well, whoever he is, he’s got a message for Britney Spears. From People:
“Britney, call me, come over to my house, come to Orlando, get away from it all,” Fatone, tells Extra. “It’s a good thing to get out of L.A.”
“I think she just needs some time, some time to really heal,” says Fatone, who has known Spears for many years. The current Singing Bee host was also a member of N’ Sync with Spears’s former flame, Justin Timberlake.
Ahhhh, that’s right — he’s that douche from N’ Sync! Now let’s see here, if I’m correct, the list of People Who Britney Doesn’t Listen To include: her mother, two former managers, one former lawyer, Kevin Federline, Elton John, MTV, Candy Spelling, helpful paparazzi, Sean Preston and Jayden James, and a District Judge. Yep, Britney didn’t listen to any of those people, but that was before the guy with the karaoke TV show stepped up to the plate. Golly gosh, she may just get through this after all!
More of Britney and her ratty-ass weave leaving her recording studio Thursday after the jump — only because no one has taken a picture of Joey Fatone since 1998 and it was only because he was standing next to Justin Timberlake. And even then I’m pretty sure he got cropped out.
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