The Clip Show: Disaster Week! March 31, 2007
· Hollywood DisasterWatch: Burbank Burns! Our citizen photojournalists on-the-ground offer us multiple perspectives of the Fire That Didn”t Affect Hollywood Much, Put Still Looks Pretty Damn Scary. · Hollywood DisasterWatch 2: The E! Bomb Scare: Ryan Seacrest flE!es! The E!vacuees. A time for HE!aling. · We are happy to pass along the rumor that George Clooney was behind the I Heart Huckabees videos, and he”s happy to tell us we”re wrong. (And to offer $1 million for someone”s head in a bag. We”re not exactly clear on whose.) · Introducing the Anna Nicole autopsy report, fortified with nine essential life-snuffing nutrients! · After Dark”s fun with suicide campaign runs afoul of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, and the still-hanging Captivity billboards earn the wrath of the MPAA. · The week in Britney: Fun Fact! Presbyterian is an anagram of Britney Spears. A sexywear shopping spree to combat the post-rehab blues. The D-I-V-O-R-C-E finalizes, y”all. · Diva-meltdown-mania with Katherine Heigl and Paul Rudd. · Don”t call it a comeback! Actually, Hillary would be fine if you called it that. Also: George Clooney cautious not to too eagerly dip Obama in his showbiz stink. · Do you know who Jeremy Piven is? Because if you did, he”d be seated by now. · Courteney Cox and Jennifer Aniston hold hands and jump the lesbian-kiss shark together. · Help us remember a time when Sanjaya was not a household name. (We”re not kidding. Please. Help us.) · A poem: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Optimus Prime is red and blue. Transformers is gonna suck. · Ick! Matthew McConaughey! (Oh, and killer jellyfish…But mostly Matthew McConaughey.) · Relax. All those Studio 60 loose ends no one has been talking about will be resolved. · Will Paris Hilton be served some rough justice?
Short Ends: Huckabees: As Filthy As They Wanna Be
· A single Huckbees parody video per day is never enough, so here”s another one. · Out of all the late-series, Cousin Oliver-type characters from the 80″s sitcoms, we always thought Chrissy from Growing Pains was going to turn out to be the bad seed. Guess we were wrong. · Michael Jackson shocker! Erstwhile King of Pop a possible attention-whoring malingerer! · Jenna Jameson suffering from that not-so-fresh, just-had-my-labia-blasted-off-with-lasers feeling. · Hey, totally adorable, hand-holding otters!
The Great Burbank Fire Of 2007: The Photo Gallery
Sure, we all know what wildfires look like by now, but it”s rare for one to appear that affords us such a tantalizingly accurate vision of Hollywood”s much-anticipated End of Days, give or take a quartet of Apocalyptic horsemen galloping through the streets to harvest what”s left of the souls of those who toil in the industry. And so we”ve quickly thrown together this photo gallery of the Great Burbank Fire of 2007 for your enjoyment, containing both the images from our earlier posts about today”s spectacular, sky-darkening conflagration and some new ones. Enjoy, and happy Friday.
Click on the thumbnails below to go to the gallery:
[Thanks to everyone who sent in their pictures. When the real Armageddon arrives, your generosity will be repaid a thousandfold.]
- The Great Burbank Fire Of 2007: More Photos, Reactions [Defamer]
- Breaking: Burbank Is Burning! [Defamer]
To Do: Your Weekend Of Punk Love
Friday · Friday night music: “Cookie Mountain”-climbers TV on the Radio play the Henry Fonda, Carina Round and Kate Earl are at the Hotel Café and nu-folkie from London Adem plays Tangier. · The Westside Eclectic presents Josh Meindertsma in his one-man-show, Letters to Kobe, in which he reads actual fan letters written to philandering superathlete Kobe Bryant. To paraphrase the great Sam Jackson, you either want to see that, or you don”t. Saturday · Get within touching distance of Henry Rollins (but we don”t recommend it) when he introduces photographer Susie J. Horgan presenting her book “Punk Love,” images from the Washington D.C. punk scene, at Book Soup. · Saturday night music round-up: Maria Taylor plays the Echo, there”s a Richie Hass benefit at Safari Sams, and The Starlite Desperation play the Troubadour. · Catch the world premiere of Galatea, a play about a kooky British sculptor. Sunday · The Hammer Museum hosts a reading with novelists Joanna Scott (a MacArthur Fellowship recipient!) and Ben Marcus. · It”s your last day to see the Saul Bass exhibit at the Skirball center, the Vertigo poster designer we”ve unsuccessfully tried to emulate countless times before with a Spirograph and puffy-ink pens. · Sunday night music: Sevendust are at the House of Blues, You Am I with Har Mar Superstar and the Actionslacks are at Spaceland and The Echo Park Film Center”s fifth-anniversary celebration starts at noon and runs into the night, with sets from Magic Gas, Telematique, Listing Ship, and The Blank Tapes, at the Echo.
The Great Burbank Fire Of 2007: More Photos, Reactions March 30, 2007
Through a combination of the internets, local news broadcasts, and e-mails from friends reassuring you that they have not been burned to death while stubbornly trying to finishing up the day”s work while their Warner Bros. lot cube was consumed by flame, you are all probably aware that while it”s very cool looking and makes for wonderfully easy jokes about God”s divine retribution against those responsible for an abomination like Wild Hogs, the Great Burbank Fire seems to be posing no danger to showbiz interests. And no, the Hollywood sign is not actually smoldering–that”s just an illusion conjured by a potent combination of perspective and your deep-seated resentment towards the industry that enslaves you.
A smattering of reactions from operatives and some new, pretty photos follow:
· “All of us at the Universal lot are driving around with the golf carts to investigate. Crazy amounts of smoke, tons of helicopters and fire trucks. Frightened tourists on the tram tour. Please don”t include my name so that my boss won”t know I”m totally not working right now!”
· “Warners Will Burn Down!!!! - Due to the REAPING premiere last night…pissing god off…now we have fire! Plague #11, burn down studio which did movies on Plague”s #1 - 10…. “
· “WB is STILL making TV and movies on the lot even as a brush fire licks at Gate 7. The lesson here is:
1) WB is not going to be intimidated by some flaming danger that”s circling their back gate 2) Over at Universal, some tour guide is taking that burning bush example for The 10 commandments section of the tour a little too seriously.”
- Breaking: Burbank Is Burning! [Defamer]
Breaking: Burbank Is Burning!
Reports are pouring in about a brush fire raging in the hills of Burbank, close to the popular movie-fabricating factories maintained by Warner Bros. and Universal, as well as the Oakwood apartments, home to some of the industry”s finest itinerant child actors.
We suggest that all WB and Universal employees consult their supervisors before fleeing in panic, fearing that God has finally sent forth his righteous fire to punish the show business heathens that have settled in the Valley. It may be Friday afternoon and the noise of those helicopters trying to contain the blaze may be irritating, but you still have important jobs to do.
Above, an operative”s photo of the view from the Universal backlot. After the jump, another reader-supplied cameraphone picture where the WB watertower is visible:
[Also, local TV coverage here and here, for those requiring actual information delivered in a responsible fashion.]
And there are more dramatic photos here. Developing…
UPDATE: More photos and an update here.
I Heart Showalter
Our friends over at CollegeHumor kept the cameras rolling during a particularly difficult shoot for their The Michael Showalter Showalter series, capturing behind-the-scenes video of a dramatic on-set meltdown the likes of which Hollywood hasn”t witnessed in hours. But before you vilify the talented–but notoriously difficult–Showalter for his outburst, please realize that infamous diva Paul Rudd was clearly asking for it with his unrelenting bitching following each take.
Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Matthew McConaughey Shows Off Simian Dance Moves At Local Hotspot
PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “sighting” or “PrivacyWatch” in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time you saw Jason Alexander at Peet”s Coffee magically transforming into George Costanza before your eyes after receiving a call from Woody Harrelson:
In today”s episode: Matthew McConaughey; Daniel Craig; Elisha Cuthbert; Jason Alexander; B.J. Novak, Fred Willard and Brian Austin Green; Vince Neil; Emilie de Ravin; Lauren Ambrose and Bruno Tonioli; Kristy Swanson; Eddie Steeples; Liz Sheridan; Tim Busfield; Dita Von Teese; Ian Ziering; Joe Simpson and Lil” Jon; Jesse Camp and Efram Potelle
· Matthew McConaughey was among the beautiful people at Parc on Wednesday night. Admittedly, before anyone said it was him, I was making fun of his dancing. He was contorting into nearly horizontal positions with some girl between him and the floor. She was a (I”m told) ballet dancer, very cute. Good work Matt. Defying all myths that pot makes you slothful, the man gets points for stamina — he was shaking it for at least two hours. Other than impressively limber, the only other way to describe his dancing was animalistic. First he was mimicking a chicken. Later when “Brass Monkey” came on, McConaughey took his cues from the later part of the song title and danced in primate-esque fashion. Could have gone my whole life without seeing that, but you can”t blame a guy for having a good time.
· 3/29/07 Just saw Daniel Craig leaving Whole Foods in Sherman Oaks. I have no idea why blond Bond would be in the Valley.
· I”m sure this is probably too late, but me and my roommate think we saw Elisha Cuthbert at Best Buy(West Hollywood) this past Saturday. Noticed her while we were dvd browsing. The girl in question walked around kind of aimlessly, all by her lonesome. She was wearing one of those little caps like Elisha wore in “The Girl Next Door”. I know I”m not the only one who saw that, so don”t play. In the parking garage, she got into a dark, underwhelming car (though it had tinted windows) with a tall, brown-haired dude, just a couple of spots from where we parked. I snuck a “i”mjustmakingsurethere”s roombehindustobackup” glance and she seemed aware that we “knew”. Little did she know we weren”t sure!
· (3/23) I had just bought myself an iced tea at Larchmont”s Peet”s Coffee, when I turned around to see Jason Alexander seated with a couple industry types. He looked distinguished in a full-beard, and spoke with his business associates in low sonorous voice. The only time he seemed George Costanza-ish was when he received a phone call from Woody Harrelson (?!). His voice went up an octave and he began gesticulating wildly. Once the call was over, he returned back to his professorial bearing.
· I was at the Farmer”s Market today (3/28) enjoying an extra-long, bomb-scare-evacuation brunch when I spotted The Office”s B.J. Novak eating at a nearby table. He was alone, texting and reading a paper, looking ultra-relaxed. Also, yesterday I passed Fred Willard as he walked down the sidewalk of the Baja Fresh/SAG Building block of the Miracle Mile. He was dressed in this oversized, flanel/fleece sweater with moose and pine trees printed all over it - not in the ironic hipster way, but more like something I would pick out for my grandfather from the L.L. Bean Catalog. Later that night I saw Brian Austin Green standing outside of Fred 62s with a few friends. I have nothing interesting to report except that he is a babe even in track pants.
· @4:45pm Sunday 3.25 Heading East on Melrose at LaBrea a surprisingly non-bloated Vince Neil of Motley Crue driving a brand new silver convertible porsche.
I screamed “Hey Vince, Shout at the Devil Man!” and made the obligatory devil horns in his direction.
He looked less than amused and turned his head and sped off.
· I finally, after a long dry spell, have a sighting to report. I was in the Toluca Lake Trader Joe”s and was looking at a very cute (and very young) guy when his ostensible girlfriend looked up from the apples….lo and behold, it was Emilie de Ravin, tinier than ever and cute as a button. Tiny! Teeny! Darling!
· 3-28 at the Lotteria at the farmers market at the grove Lauren Ambrose with 2 guys (one husband?) and very cute baby with orange fuzzy booties, getting some food. Lauren looking very mom like. a few minutes later i saw that judge Bruno Tonioli from dancing with the stars order food from lotterria too……..seems we all like it there. he was in a hurray and alittle sweaty……….
the day before i saw kristy swanson with her baby and mom? is she preggers again? walking on the SM promande.
· Sitting at the bar in El Compadre, the rock & roll Mexican joint on Sunset, my conversation and margarita were interrupted by someone trying to order a drink over my shoulder. The minute I saw that nappy “fro and the cigarette tucked behind his ear I wanted to say, “Darnell!”. Eddie Steeples was hanging at the bar, apparently waiting for a table as well, with two writer-looking types…..surprisingly way smaller in person than I would have imagined. I guess it”s all that hair that makes him seem bigger.
· Continuing my run-ins with the slightly-obscure: I saw Liz Sheridan (Jerry Seinfeld”s mom) Saturday night (3/24) at Burbank Airport, trying to get help on the house phone. It”s own circle of Hell, I”m sure.
Then, continuing with the 90s TV theme, there was Tim Busfield, waiting at the light at Hollywood Way and Alameda, Blackberrying while he should have been paying attention to traffic (3/27). He obviously needs the Blackberry Helmet!!!
· Spotted Dita Von Teese at Porno Burrito (El Atacor #11) in Lincoln Heights at 3am. No, she did not order the porno burrito, for that would have been newsworthy. She must be bored… although the same could be said of me if she keeps turning up where I am. At least we know she eats.
· 3-30 this morning at the griddle, ian ziering and family in the big corner both.
· Was at the Lakers/Grizzlies game on Tuesday evening (3/27), and saw two B-listers. First, I spotted Papa Joe Simpson himself, sitting courtside next to some guy who looked like he may have been Grandpa Simpson. Was wearing his tacky diamond encrusted watch and didn”t smile once. Lil” Jon sat in the corner courtside, complete with grill, long dreads, and sunglasses. Had an entourage of three, all also in shades. At night. Awesome.
· I”d like to submit my hot tip for celebrity sighting of the week..Mr. 1998 MTV VJ contest winner himself Jesse Camp! Went to pick up my dog food from Centinela Feed & Supply on Pico and there he was…stocking the shelves with no help from a ladder (the dude is TALL)Very charming and witty and even helped me carry out my bag to my car!
· Efram Potelle, the slightly more annoying half of the directing-duo responsible for the mediocre “Battle of Shaker Heights” — the second of three straight box office bombs made possible by HBO”s Project Greenlight — spotted today (3/28) at Psychobabble on Vermont. Those who watched the show may remember him as the shorter, pushier director who had the audacity to request that money be taken out of the film”s budget to buy him a new car. He was sitting quietly working on a script.
Quickies: Dear John
Us Weekly writes a nipple-themed letter to Victoria Beckham. (Hollywood Tuna)
Elizabeth Hurley still the hottest thing to come out of Britain. (Popoholic)
Katie Holmes caught without her escape plans! (popbytes)
Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini. (ICYDK)
jessica simpson vs. Kate Beckinsdale: ass crack edition. (CityRag)
Halle Berry’s boobies. (Egotastic)
Rosario Dawson is curvy in the right places. (Yeeeah! Forums)
We Would Do Anything For Our Advertisers, Except Stay Completely Away From Them
We pause once again for our weekly declaration of unbridled horniness for this week”s sponsors, whose online advertising budgets never fail to drive us wild with desire. If you”d like to advertise on Defamer and tap this hot mess, see this page.
· Absolut · American Apparel · Sony Pictures Black Book · Curse of the Golden Flower · Nokia · Perfect Stranger · SV Supreme Vodka · Sprint · VW · Verizon
Trade Round-Up: Hilary Swank Still Happily Signing Off On Just About Every Deal Put In Front Of Her
· Hollywood SwankWatch: Freedom Writers and The Reaping actress Hilary Swank is developing (and likely producing and starring in–she really can do it all!) a remake of Patrick Leconte”s Intimate Strangers for Paramount, about an actress whose career seems to have no discernible direction since winning two Oscars. [Variety] · Spiderman 3 will debut in China a day before its North America premiere in hopes that some Chinese moviegoers will rush to theaters to see it rather than wait for the pirated, 25-cent copies that will be widely available just hours after the release. [THR] · Keep your stunguns at the ready, put your forensic accountants on speed dial, and lock up your overlong directors cuts, because the Weinsteins are back, baby! [Variety] · Paula Abdul signs with APA, who hope to “work with her on developing multigenerational, international lifestyle branding opportunities” and who will refuse to take her calls the second she”s no longer hosting American Idol. [THR] · In reflecting upon the ICM/Endeavor Richard Abate defection debacle, Var“s Peter Bar proposes that agents hire their own agents to orchestrate their career moves. But what about agents for an agent”s agent, and a team of agent-managers to steer the whole ship? Soon, getting anything done will require penetrating fifteen nested levels of rep-representation. Where does the madness end, Mr. Bart? [Variety]
Alec Baldwin Adopts A U.S. Soldier For Only Pennies A Day
Sole survivor of the Baldwin Family Career Curse Alec has always been an actor with a conscience, as demonstrated recently by his reaction to a NY Times article about a young female soldier from Phoenix soon headed off to combat. So touched was he by Pvt. Resha Kane”s story, Baldwin himself (no, that”s no typo–we said himself) tracked down Kane”s family to tell them he”d like to contribute to Kane”s college tuition fund:
“I didn”t know what to say,” Kane said. “And then I asked him if he could send me his autograph. I”ve never met a star, let alone talked to one on the phone.”
[Baldwin”s spokesman, Matthew] Hiltzik said the actor would meet the Kane family in Mohave Valley and give them a check, which will be in addition to the $37,000 the Army will give Kane for college. A date for the meeting will be decided next week, he said.
“It”s a great example that people of different backgrounds can agree on the importance of supporting our troops.”[Hitzik said.]
We hope the selfless gesture will inspire other celebrities to follow in Baldwin”s non-partisan, philanthropic footsteps, which will culminate in the grace note of the actor personally presentating Kane with his donation, contained in an envelope upon which he”s lightheartedly inscribed: “Resha: Remember–this is for books, not beer bongs! Just kidding…And keep up the good fight, even though I can”t and won”t support what it is you”re fighting for, but can still support you, as evidenced by the sizable check inside! Love, Uncle Alec.”
Courtney Love Gets More Plastic Surgery
Singer Courtney Love has gone under the knife again in an attempt to look more “natural.” The Post-Chronicle reports:
Courtney Love has undergone a second rhinoplasty procedure to enlarge her nose and [have] her previously enlarged lips reduced. Courtney wrote on her blog: “I have my old nose back. I hated that nosejobby nose, it was like a little beak. I’ve had my nose fixed. It looks like the one God gave me so I’m happy not to have crazy lips and a crazy teensy unnatural little nose. All I care about is that my self esteem is limitless and intact, and that nothing and no situation affects my self esteem.”
So Courtney Love has self-esteem? How did that happen? I figured she was a self-mutilator always a bottle of whiskey away from blowing her own head off. You know, on account of the pastiness and ugliness and everything. All ugly people are self-destructive and suicidal, right? I wouldn’t really know, because I’m so fucking gorgeous. Seriously, this one time a little boy with epilepsy touched my face and he was healed. And I’m pretty such my vagina is a portal to immortality. Just ask my ex-husband — I fed him arsenic for a year straight and the bastard still didn’t die. Beauty as powerful as mine can be such a burden sometimes.
After Dark’s ‘Captivity’ Invites MPAA’s Billboard-Induced Wrath
Slow to fulfill its promise to remove the offensive billboards forcing local motorists to contemplate Elisha Cuthbert”s graphic abduction, confinement, torture, and termination as they helplessly idle at traffic-clogged intersections, After Dark Films now feels the wrath of the MPAA, which has responded to public outrage over the unapproved ads by suspending the ratings process and demanding that all subsequent promotion materials be cleared with the organization if Captivity hopes to ever get the R it probably needs to make any money. Chideth the ratings board:
“The sanctions in this case are severe because this was an unacceptable and flagrant violation of MPAA rules and procedures,” Gordon said in a statement.
Public reaction to the billboards was strong, as MPAA switchboards lit up with complaints as well as questions about what to do, an org official said. When MPAA ordered After Dark to remove the ads, the company responded slowly, eventually complying but replacing the original ads with a sign reading “Captivity was here,” as if to have the last word. Ads at bus shelters in L.A. were still displayed Thursday.
Sanction comes in response to After Dark”s “prominent display in both Los Angeles and New York of advertising that the MPAA had explicitly disapproved as inappropriate for general public viewing,” the org said Thursday in a statement.
“MPAA reviews tens of thousands of promotional materials each year,” Gordon said. “The good news is that — as disturbing as this case has been — it marks a rare instance where a company has acted in such a clear and direct violation of our rules. The overwhelming majority of companies and filmmakers understand, support and abide by MPAA rules and procedures. It is now up to After Dark Films to restore good faith with the MPAA.”
It seems that the MPAA, touchy about the uproar started by the naughty, publicity-craving little studio, won”t even put up with the mildly cheeky “Captivity was here” replacement ads; their hardline stance will probably force After Dark to scrap the even more ambitious promotional campaign they”ve been testing out in Minnesota, where they”ve rigged open manholes to play back Cuthbert”s anguished screams seconds before potential ticket-buying passers-by are doused by gallons of fake blood blasted upward through the pavement.
- Lights out for After Dark ads [Variety]
David O. Russell To Work In This Town Again
We”ve been patiently awaiting the inevitable announcement of I Heart Huckabees enforcer David O. Russell”s next project following the unprecedented levels of buzz he”s enjoying since the leak of the now-infamous outtakes from that shoot, a calling card revealing a filmmaker who countenances no lip from difficult talent, a quality always in high demand in the industry. Today”s THR reports that Russell has signed on to do an adaptation of Gore Daughter chick-littish political novel Sammy”s Hill; in announcing the project, producer Doug Wick trumpets Russell”s talent, but inadvertently reveals the disastrous creative differences soon to come:
“It will do for Washington, D.C., what “Talladega Nights” did for race car driving,” Wick said. “We are going for a bold, subversive comedy, and David O. Russell is one of the most original voices working in comedy.”
This could get good if Wick really believes that Talledega Nights constitutes “bold and subversive comedy,” and that wasn”t just a calculated comparison he made to make sure his project doesn”t get quickly buried by a spooked Sony. But even if that kind of movie is actually what the studio expects to extract from a director who spent three years making a film about existential detectives, executives shouldn”t be that surprised when they start seeing dailies in which an off-camera Russell can be heard screaming at a visibly exhausted Will Ferrell, “I don”t care if we”ve been doing this scene for seven hours already.You will run around the Capitol building in your underwear as many fucking times as I tell you to, motherfucker. The studio wants you jogging in tighty-whiteys, that”s exactly what they”re fucking going to get.”
Spears-Federline Divorce SettlementWatch: It’s Final,Y’All!
As several of you tipped us to yesterday, the final settlement t”s have been crossed and marital dissolution i”s dotted in the Spears-Federline divorce negotiations, leaving Britney Spears and her onetime wifebeater-wearing wooer free to go their separate ways:
After a five-hour meeting with their attorneys present, Spears and Federline signed “a global settlement on all issues of their marriage,” said Michael Sands, a spokesman for Federline”s attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan. Sands declined to elaborate on terms of the settlement, saying only that it covers child custody and financial matters. Spears” attorney, Laura Wasser, declined to comment.
It will surely go down as a memorable spring of rebirth for Spears, fresh from a rehab-renewal and now unencumbered by America”s Most Handout-Hungry. Still, wherever the two choose to go from here (probably to a Vegas nightclub), they will forever be bound by their two, young sons, who, God willing, will be able to overcome the hardships of childhood divorce and go on to lead fulfilling lives themselves, possibly as the stars of a “lifestyles of the children of the formerly famous” reality series of their own.
Obamamania: Clooney Worries His Burning Passion May Consume His Chosen Candidate
When George Clooney isn”t busy hunting for the real leaker of the Huckabees videos or developing socially conscious movie projects to assuage the guilt induced by all the fun he”s having placing Saran Wrap over the toilet bowl in Brad Pitt”s double wide (Brad always falls for that one!) on the set of Ocean”s 13, the committed actorvist spends time fretting about whether or not it”s a prudent idea to publicly repress his intense feelings for Democratic Presidential mancrush Barack Obama for the good of his campaign. In discussing his acute case of Obamamania in today”s LAT, Clooney notes the delicate balance between using celebrity to raise a politician”s profile and tainting him with the perceived Gay Satanism of “Hollywood values” that Middle America so thoroughly fears:
So when Obama, an Illinois Democrat, told Clooney last year that he was thinking about running for president, the actor was excited but cautious. “I told him I would do anything for him, including staying completely away from him,” said Clooney, speaking recently on his cellphone from the South Carolina set of his latest movie, “Leatherheads.”
Obama, however, welcomed Clooney”s involvement and support. They got to know each other a year ago while attending a rally to raise awareness about the genocide in the Darfur region of Sudan and have stayed in touch. When asked about Clooney at a recent event, Obama broke into a smile, gestured expressively and said simply: “He”s a good friend.”[…]
“We were at a rally on Darfur,” Clooney said. “People were standing around backstage. All of a sudden, Obama walks out and steps onto the stage. Everyone stopped to hear what he had to say…. I”ve never been around anyone who can literally take someone”s breath away.”
Although the actor may not be campaigning publicly for Obama at the moment, he is certainly working for him behind the scenes.
“I spend a lot of time talking with other people, and I tell them, “You really have to educate yourself on Obama because the guy is real,” ” he said. “He fascinates me. People say, “Oh, he”s too young,” you know. But you cannot learn or teach leadership. You either have it or you don”t.”
The savvy Obama seems to have chosen the perfect Hollywood publicity partner to mesmerize (he”s dialed back the charm ever so slightly since his bewitching of David Geffen drove the billionaire completely insane); he”s obviously learned a crucial lesson from John Kerry”s ill-fated choice to woo lesser Oscar-winner Ben Affleck, whose rampage across America on the doomed candidate”s behalf resulted in an ugly chain of post-election recriminations that could have forever devalued the entertainment industry”s important contributions to political discourse.
Abigail Clancy Bikini Pictures
I’m not too familiar with Abigail Clancy but she’s British and lately the site has been lacking hot babes from the UK. Sadly, there have been no new pics of Keeley Hazell, Lucy Pinder or Michelle Marsh but guess what fellas? There is a whole slew of hot untapped British models out there that I’ve yet to write about, starting with Abigail Clancy! Anyways, judging from these hot bikini pictures of her, it’s pretty safe to say that Hollywood Tuna will be featuring more pics of her tight little body in the not so distant future. Enjoy!
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Jenna Jameson Ruined Her Puss
If you’re wondering why you haven’t seen porn star Jenna Jameson’s snatch here lately, it’s because she’s gone and ruined it. TMZ reports:
Jenna Jameson hasn’t been showing up to meetings with Hollywood bigshots who want to make her best-seller “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star” into a movie, but she’s got a very private reason for flaking. A source [says] that Jameson’s had a little work done “down there” and that is hasn’t turned out so well. “She underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy. She has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody,” says the source.
She decided to “hole up?” Ah ha ha hah ha! How droll! What about, “She decided to clam up?” Or “box herself in?” Or my personal favorite, “Cave-bacon bat-wing meat-curtain herself … um… VAGINA!” High five!
More of Jenna at the 2 B Free show on March 19th.
Beached Whale? No, It’s Kelly Clarkson
Little known fact about Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick” — the fabled white whale apparently eluded Captain Ahab by festooning itself in camping tents and sunburning itself to a nice rosy red. Pretty clever, for an albino sperm whale. The sunglasses are a nice touch. You don’t often see a Physeter macrocephalus in a pair of Ray-Bans and a muu-muu. You know, from far away, Moby Dick kinda looks like Kelly Clarkson. Of course, Moby Dick has smaller hips and a much more winning smile, but if you squint really hard and close one eye, I think you’ll see the resemblance. “There she blows!–there she blows! A hump like a snow-hill! It is Moby Dick!”
More of Moby and friends after the jump.
George Clooney Didn’t Do It
Notorious prankster George Clooney swears he isn’t the one behind the leak of the “I Hear Huckabees” expletive-laden showdown between actress Lily Tomlin and director David O. Russell. TMZ reports:
In a statement to various media outlets, Clooney said, “Contrary to popular opinion, neither the sound man nor yours truly sent in the [I Heart Huckabees] tape. Any rumor that either of us put it on the Internet is simply false. And I’d offer a million bucks to anyone who would prove otherwise.Your fan, George Clooney”
I’d like to offer a million bucks to anybody who can prove that I was the one that set fire to the aviary section of the Botanical Gardens in the unfortunate “gravity-bong-lighter-fluid-east-winds-up-to-twenty-knots” incident last month. And, for the record, I was never really that into “eyebrows.” Or “eyelashes.” Or “epidermises.” That’s why I don’t really have of those on my face anymore. Not because I was horribly burned in a freak accident. Good luck proving otherwise, sucka!
Short Ends: Seven Minutes In The YouTubes With Tony
· The entire Sopranos story, in just seven minutes! Who”s got that kind of time? With some judicious cutting, we bet someone could get it down to a more YouTube-friendly 90 seconds. · Diddy is brazenly stealing all his freak-you-wild material from Smoove B: “As soon as we landed, we went straight to the Eiffel Tower, drank champagne at the top and just kissed and kissed. Then we went up to my suite and had tantric sex for at least 30 hours, ordering up whipped cream and strawberries while we were at it. As meticulous as I am with my work, I”m more meticulous with lovemaking. I like to do it for a long time.” · Realizing that he hadn”t been involved in a petty war of words in nearly 12 hours and desperate for the rush only pointless public confrontation can provide, feud-junkie Donald Trump picks a fight with a golfing magazine. · No blood for mohel. · After reading this story, our first thought was: Michael Jackson can”t even afford health insurance anymore. How”s he going to pay for the upkeep on the 50-foot robot?
Letter To Victoria Beckham
UsMagazine.com:
Dear Victoria “Posh” Beckham,
We just have to get this off our chest: There is nothing Posh about forgetting to wear a bra when gallivanting about in thin T-shirts, as you’ve unfortunately been known to do. It is obvious to us that the bra may be a foreign concept to you – much like American football, or the good sense to avoid Tom Cruise – so allow us to explain: You’re a 32-year-old woman with perky breasts that apparently like to breathe. Read More
In response to US Magazine’s idiotic letter, I’ve decided to write Victoria Beckham my own.
Dear Posh,
Don’t listen to what those peeps at US Magazine wrote about your spectacular breasts. I understand completely why you feel the need to parade around braless. Your girls need to breathe. There’s nothing worse than being all stuffy and uncomfortable, and seeing as you’re probably richer that the country Iceland, I think you’re entitled to be as comfy as you damn well please. Now your hubby David may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but I’m sure he’ll never mistake your breasts for soccer ball bags. That’s just plain silly. Soccer balls maybe, but not bags. Anyway, keep up the good work, and don’t change a thing about your style – I love it. We all love it.
Hugs and kisses,
Hollywood Tuna
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New Vida Guerra King Magazine Pictures
Well, I honestly don’t know why I do these posts on Vida Guerra since her only claim to fame is her big fat ass. That’s it. It can’t be her face. I mean just look at her… and this is AFTER undergoing extensive Photoshop work. Anyway, I know some of you big butt lovers out there like her, so once in a while I don’t mind selling out just to make you guys happy.
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Paris Hilton Stupid Act Not Fooling L.A. Prosecutors
Paris Hilton”s fate has hung precariously in the balance since a speeding stop last month found America”s Troubled Party Whorelet driving with a suspended license while on probation for a DUI. The D.A.”s office, perhaps having caught wind of past fracases in which Hilton slyly feigned idiocy for her own legal gain, are suggesting she knew very well of the status of her suspended license, and are requesting a revocation of her probation that could pave the way for hard time:
“We”re confident we have sufficient evidence to prove that her license was suspended and that she had knowledge of that suspension,” said Nick Velasquez, a spokesman for the city attorney”s office. He declined to elaborate on the evidence, citing an ongoing investigation.
Hilton could face up to 90 days in jail if a judge finds she violated her probation, Velasquez said. A hearing was scheduled for April 17.
While we have predicted in the past that the recalcitrant fragrance mogul might surprise us all by blossoming during her stint in the big house–emerging with a teardrop tattoo, a newfound allegiance to Allah, and insisting she be addressed only by her new cellblock moniker of “La-Z-Eye”–we”d still caution that it”s still a bit hasty in the judicial proceedings to start needlepointing your bon voyage pillows. The Teflon Heiress and her crack defense team still have a few tricks up their sleeves, including their planned courttroom bombshell that Hilton was in fact not operating the vehicle at all that night, but was merely a passenger being safely escorted home in the world”s most elaborate R/C toy Bentley, operated by remote-control-wielding flackservant, Elliot Mintz.
- Prosecutors: Revoke Hilton”s probation [Yahoo/AP]
